Tag: inspiration

Ouch! 7 ways to deal with criticism

Posted on by Red Slice

As many of you know, this summer I’m on sabbatical as I take a 5-week summer acting congress with San Francisco’s American Conservatory Theater (A.C.T.), one of the most renowned theaters and actor training/MFA programs in the country. Alumni include Annette Bening,, Denzel Washington, Elizabeth Banks, Anika Noni Rose and countless other working actors whose faces you’ve seen but whose names you may not know. Even Blaine from Glee is a Youth Conservatory graduate.

We are now in our last week and it’s been an amazing experience: creative, intense, exhausting, lively, moving. I have 15 other people in my “company” and we are like a band of brothers, spending sun-up to sundown together, exposing our most vulnerable selves and exploring expression via our voice, bodies and minds as we work to become better storytellers.

Invited to completely let go and try everything out in order to get closer to the true art of acting, we are also naked and exposed. Failures happen. Frustrations mount. And inevitably, we are forced to confront criticism.

Thankfully, our instructors are some of the kindest and most generous people I’ve ever met. They’ve worked with some of the greats and I take everything they say to heart. Plus, I am the sort  who craves feedback like a sugar addict on a juice cleanse. But sometimes, negative criticism can sting. Especially when you completely put yourself out there – as you do with your business, your art or your work.

So how can you respond? Here are 7 ways you can cope with criticism:

Breathe deeply, open your ears and listen:

Easier said than done, but put aside your indignation for a second, take a deep breath and actively listen to the feedback.  When you feel yourself slipping into your inner monologue of anger and despair – while the person is still talking – focus your mind on the words they are saying. Taking notes while you get this feedback can help you slow down and really hear the feedback so you can improve things for next time around.

Have a good cry:

I don’t recommend doing this while you are actually receiving the criticism for three reasons: One, it prevents you from practicing Tip #1. Two, if they are a nasty person, you don’t want to give them the satisfaction. Three, if this is a professional situation, it can make the critic very uncomfortable and no matter what he or she says, they will always remember you as The Crier. If you must cry (and we’ve all been there), wait until you are alone and let the tears flow. I know this can be hard, especially when you feel wronged or misunderstood, but try. And then once you’re alone, enjoy the cathartic release. Once you clear the pain physically from your body, unclench your muscles and sniffle away the last of the sobs, your mind will be clear enough to play back the feedback and find the gold.

Argue your case:

I don’t recommend this one…and this is coming from someone who has tried on several occasions. First, the person criticizing you may not give a fig what you think and so you are just wasting your breath. Second, getting defensive means you are not taking in what the person is saying to gain any sort of benefit out of it. And third, the person could be a boss, valuable client or a VIP decision maker who can make or break your career and it’s best not to burn bridges. Of course, if someone is stating outright lies, you should defend yourself but do it with facts and have an adult discussion, not a tantrum. Or better yet, as I have done in the past, go away for a bit, consider the criticism and draft a “reply” of sorts, walking the person through your thinking. You may not change their mind, but they (and others who hear about it) will respect you far more for playing it cool. Nothing good happens when you let your temper get the best of you in the moment – trust an Italian redhead on this one, please.

Consider the context:

For all of us in this summer acting program, we understand we are here to learn and the teachers are here to teach. That’s what we’re paying for. If we can’t take criticism along with praise, then what the hell are we all doing? The point of the program is to attempt, finesse and improve, and no one can do this in a vacuum. Same goes if you get negative customer, client or audience feedback. Appreciate that someone is taking the time to tell you how you can make things better and also acknowledge the relationship – you are there to serve them. They have a right to tell you how they think you did. Learn from it and improve for the next time.

Understand the agenda:

Often people criticize in a very blunt and hurtful way and it can be anything but constructive. It just feels like they personally hate you and want to watch you die. This stings the most, especially when you’re not expecting it. But as with the tip above, it’s all about seeing the bigger picture. What’s this person’s angle? Are you a threat? Does keeping you down elevate them? Or maybe this person uses fear and negativity as way to exert power, as a previous manager of mine did. At first she made me so angry, I’d cry (not in front of her – see  #2) When I realized this, I started to take her critiques with a grain of salt, throwing out the crap I thought was her own baggage and taking in what made sense. It actually helped our relationship. Or perhaps the critic has a certain communication style born out of personal tragedy or hurt. Whatever the case, consider the critique’s source and make sure you understand what’s in it for them before you take everything to heart.

Don’t dwell on one bad review:

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen great online reviews and received kind emails about my books, but then I let the one Negative Nellie nag at my soul. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and it’s JUST ONE OPINION. Instead, look at the aggregate, not the extremes, and see if there are nuggets you can find for delighting people even further next time. Even the casting director we’re working with, who is pretty damn direct with feedback, always adds that this is just her personal aesthetic, and that doesn’t mean other casting directors would have a problem with a piece being performed a certain way. At least we know with her there is absolutely zero B.S. which is powerful and useful to us. If it helps, create a Feel Good folder and put all praise and compliments in that folder. When you find yourself dwelling on that one low presentation score or bad online review, start reading those Feel Good items and snap yourself out of it.

Do something:

If the critique is useful and you’ve considered the source and the context to be valid, I don’t recommend you do nothing with it. Denying all feedback and continuing to do things the same old way is not a recipe for growth. Many people feel most comfortable wrapping themselves up in their cocoon of self-delusion, but try to find the takeaway in what critics offer up. You may find that something you intended did not come across as you’d hoped so you need to be clearer. Or that you overlooked a minor detail that you now understand makes a big difference. In my acting program, I’m learning that the emotions in my head are not always translating into clear viewable actions for the audience. So now I know I have some work to do. See how you can Implement the valid criticism you get into real action steps and make your work/art shine even brighter.

No matter what the situation, always view negative feedback as a chance to improve and grow. Never use it as an excuse to quit. (Tweet!)

I invite you to try one of these the next time you’re slapped with the criticism stick and see what transpires.

Have you ever received negative criticism? How did you react to it? Any good tips or tricks for how you made it work for you? Please share in the Comments…you never know when your experience can help someone else!

The secret to differentiating your brand? You.

Posted on by Red Slice

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde (Tweet!)

What makes your brand, business or creative endeavor uniquely you? 

When we’re insecure teens, it seems easiest to just copy someone else. At that age, originality is just too risky.  Or is it?

Let me take you back to 1988. My best friend and I were inseparable. Whether it was busting out dance moves to Whitney Houston’s latest hit, swooning over teen heartthrobs (she: River Phoenix, Me: Kirk Cameron – before he went all oddballs) or taping our own version of Siskel and Ebert at the Movies (hopefully lost forever), we found comfort in our shared interests and tastes.

But the scandal that threatened to rock our friendship? We bought the exact same denim miniskirt jumper.

I admit, it was adorable when she bought it and naively thinking it would fun, I went and bought one, too. It fit both of our lean frames to a T. But she was not pleased at all and as you can guess, the inevitable happened: we wore it to school on the same day. Now granted, out high school teemed with more than 2000 students, but still….she didn’t speak to me for a whole day, which back then felt as long as the Civil War.

And I realized I had messed up.

In trying to take a short-cut and simply copy her style, I failed to cultivate my own identity – and ended up coming off like a first-rate tool.

What works for someone else may not work for you. Either it’s not at all believable, or it just looks desperate and sad. Just think about all the Apple lookalike ads you may have seen for sub-par (and not as cool) technology. But the inverse is also true: what works beautifully for you may be laughable for someone else to even attempt. (Tweet!)

You need to walk your talk and authentically deliver what you promise. How do you do that? By embracing and owning who you authentically are. It’s your story. Only you – with your perspective, experience, world view, sensibility, taste, emotion and intelligence – can tell it the way you  tell it.

While visiting the UK, I caught a news program on an MSNBC-type network. The pundit shouting at me sounded an awful lot like Rachel Maddow, who I happen to like. But it was a sad attempt to mimic her success – down to the cadence and tone with which she spoke. It was clear she was trying to replicate someone else’s success rather than create her own.

Why do we think it’s easier to copy someone else rather than break new ground? Why do we feel that our story is not as valuable just because others have told something similar? If we all thought that way, another book would never be written, another painting never created, another innovative clothing design ever produced. (Tweet!)

Can you imagine? “Well, we all have enough shirts in the world, don’t we? No need to design another one.” Please.

When working with my branding clients, our process always starts with the unique spin, strengths, perspective and benefits they offer that no one else can, regardless of if they offer something that thousands of other people do. No one else can do it like they do it.

That is how you build a breakout brand  – find your uniquity and let it shine. I mean, there’s tons of branding strategists out there, right? But you’re here, now, visiting moi. Thanks for digging my unique style!

Photo by Levi Saunders on Unsplash

Face forward. Eyes on the road. The one rule you should never forget when chasing your dream.

Posted on by Red Slice

Years ago, I got into a car accident on Virginia’s George Washington Parkway, just outside of D.C. Morning traffic crawled along on this gorgeous bypass road that runs alongside the Potomac River. I was happily headed to my gig as a Marketing Manager at Discovery Networks (yes, I used to get to put on marketing events for The Discovery Channel, Animal Planet and TLC – before TLC turned into trashy reality programming….loved it.) Glancing down to tweak the radio, I only took my eyes off the road for a second, but it was enough to miss the guy two cars in front of me stopping short. I jammed my foot on the brake  – WHAM! – slamming into the car in front of me.

The responsible culprit – the car two cars up – disappeared. My hood was slightly crunched and something was dripping from the engine, making the car undriveable. Thank God traffic had been moving so slowly at the time. The police officer was sympathetic to my plight when he heard what happened, and it ached him to say this but…

“Sorry. I have to cite you. You rear-ended her, even though she slammed on the brakes because of that other car. Her responsibility was the car in front of her which she didn’t hit. But you did hit her, so unfortunately, you’re the one at fault.”

I get it. We all learn in driving school about the two-car (or is it three? See, I forget…) distance rule: You are responsible for leaving the appropriate stopping distance between yourself and the car in front of you so that if they do slam on the brakes, you can avoid an accident.

Kind of a powerful metaphor, don’t you think?

You are responsible for what’s in front of you, not what’s behind you. (Tweet!)

You can’t change the past so stop cursing that horrible old boss, lamenting that start-up you passed up that made everyone gazillionaires, fretting over whether you should have taken that course, attended that event or invested in that opportunity. Interpersonally, stop dwelling on who’s nipping at your heels, what other people think about what you do or who’s more successful than you.

It’s done. Face forward. Eyes on the road. All of that nonsense is their business. Not yours. (Tweet!)

What are you responsible for now? Only your goals, your forward-momentum from this point on. Forget the distractions. Stop looking back.

God is clever. There’s a reason he didn’t put eyes in the back of our heads. (Tweet!)

Photo credit: epsos.de on Flickr

What one event, opportunity or insecurity will you let go of today to keep your eyes on the prize? Please state your intention out loud and share in the Comments!

 

My big summer risk revealed…want to join me?

Posted on by Red Slice

I have a scary admission to make to you today, dear reader. (Deep breath)

I share this because I think it’s important for us to shake things up every now and then. To wake up those parts that lie dormant by virtue of routine or comfort.

And…I’m sharing this before I even know if it’s going to actually happen. Also important. The more shots we take on goal, the more chances we have to score…isn’t that what they always say? It’s not authentic to simply shout out to our tribe each red-hot, blazing success: we have to also celebrate the nail-biting attempts we make so that none of us has the delusion that it’s all so easy. That’s just irresponsible. And it’s a lie. (Tweet this!)

First confession: I got rejected by a literary agent. One I adore. We hit it off like wildfire when our short consult turned into a 90 minute gabfest of laughter, sass and shared understanding.  We were both saddened by it. And she sent me the most heartfelt and useful rejection I’ve ever gotten in my life. Bright side: we bonded, and I’m convinced we will work together at some point. I’m sure of it in my bones.  The connection we made inspires me to want to make that happen.

But you have to pick your creative butt up off the floor and shake it off when these things happen. I have other irons in the fire this summer. “Passion scratches” to itch.

And so….

This June, I hope to take a five-week sabbatical from consulting and speaking. I’m applying to San Francisco’s American Conservatory Theatre’s Summer Acting Congress. I was thisclose to applying in 2006 and 2007, confident my company would support me in taking the time away (A lovely young opera singer co-worker took a similar artistic summer leave to attend a music program not once, but twice – with full top brass support). But it just wasn’t the right time personally.

Now, I’m working for myself. I’m back in the San Francisco Bay Area. My husband fully supports the idea of recharging my creative mojo. So the time is right. After last year’s book launch, I don’t have a new book in me just yet and so I need another artistic outlet of self-expression and storytelling.

Am I scared? Hell yes. Not only about possible rejection, but about the unknown. Health-wise, I’m also a little concerned about the grueling schedule. Since my brain injury a few years ago, fatigue and stamina are still issues and making my own schedule has been a savior. But I’ll be on someone’s else’s clock from 9-6 pm, Monday through Thursday – plus any outside rehearsal time. Can I handle it? Will overwhelm and anxiety creep in, tipping over the plates I’ve balanced so precisely to adapt to this new health realty?  Maybe. Who knows.

I told my husband, “What the hell? I’ll try and if it’s killing me, of course I’ll stop.”

Why am I doing this? For no reason other than to recharge, change my scenery, reframe my thinking and explore possibilities. Maybe it will just make me a better conference speaker. Maybe I’ll find new indie theatre projects. Maybe I’ll want to pursue directing. Or maybe, Scorsese will find me, fall madly in love with my acting and cast me in his next Leonardo flick.

Point is….you can’t find new opportunities to explore if you don’t ever leave your room. (Tweet this!)

So I invite you to join me. What makes you squirm? What mountain do you think to yourself, “Oh, please! I’d never be able to climb that. I’m just not that kind of person?” Can you find a way to stare down the fear, stand up straight and march forward? Maybe take that class, book that trip, reach out to that long estranged friend, start writing that book, or open that business you’ve always wanted. Need help or inspiration getting started? Check out my good friends’ Warren and Betsy Talbot’s killer program, Dream, Save, Do: An Action Plan for Dreamers

Photo credit: Alaskan Dude on Flickr

What big gut-wrenching, face-slapping, mojo-moving risk will YOU take? And just imagine, for a moment, what might you find on the other side?

 

Which idea should you start on next? A handy worksheet for you…

Posted on by Red Slice

Do you find yourself drowning in great ideas but unable to implement any of them because you’re either paralyzed by choice or you’re too stuck on fighting today’s fires?

Yeah, me too. Creativity is awesome until it starts to overwhelm you. (Tweet this!)

Today’s guest post comes from Michelle Nickolaisen, creator of Bombschelle. Michelle makes systems/productivity/organization/all that incredibly boring sounding stuff incredibly NOT boring so that you + your biz can reap the rewards.She’s worked with six figure business owners behind the scenes and helped them take their business to a new level without stressing out about it. She also teaches, consults and helps organize product launches.

Michelle believes that “organized” and “creative” can co-exist in perfect harmony. Read on for her practical advice on combing through the ideas in your head and determining which ones can/should be actioned:

 

One of those problems-that’s-kinda-good-to-have is the problem of too many ideas. On the one hand, it’s something of a blessing to have all of these ideas zipping around your head like hyperactive kittens with a ball of string. On the other hand, it can also be headache inducing and give you the paralyzing fear of not knowing which idea to start on next. If you’re paralyzed, you’re not taking action; and if you’re not taking action, those ideas don’t end up doing any good.

How do you pick one idea to start on next? For those of us who have this problem, it can be incredibly difficult to put one on the backburner. We want to work on everything at the same time and create amazing things, but that’s not always possible (and can often just lead to not finishing any of the ideas you’re working on – especially if you’re not a meticulous planner).

The secret is to look to your priorities to show you which idea to work on next. This might be fairly obvious and sound like a great idea, but can be hard to carry out in practice. So instead of just telling you that and leaving you hanging, I’m going to show you a process for figuring out what, exactly, your priorities are right now, and how that fits in with the ideas running around in your head.

Go ahead and download this worksheet to help you with the process, and grab a pen & paper. (Alternately, you can just write through this without the worksheet. Whatever floats your boat!)

Write down all of your current ideas that you’re having trouble choosing between. You don’t have to write down the idea in intricate detail, but enough so that upon referring back to this, you’ll know exactly which idea you were speaking of. After you write down all of your ideas, go back through, and for each idea write down two things:

  • What you’ll get from working on the idea and bringing it to fruition. Money? Pride? Fun? Respect? Two or three of these? Whatever it is, write it down.
  • An approximate estimate for how long it will take you to complete this idea. Be realistic, but try not to give yourself too much wiggle room. Think about your current and upcoming commitments, how much free time and energy they’ll leave you, and how flexible all of these things are.

After you finish that, set it aside.

We’re going to zoom out now. Think about what you want to be doing, how you want to feel, and what you want to have in the next one, three, and six months. (Otherwise known as your goals – but thinking of it in these terms can bring things into super-clear focus.) Write this down, in detail.

Look at what you wrote down, and pick out the common threads – usually there will be two or three. These are your top priorities for the next several months. Now, keeping these priorities in mind, skim back over your answers for what you’ll get from working on each idea. And then figure out which idea matches best with your current priorities – and can be completed within the next 1-6 months. If there’s more than one idea that suits the requirements, choose the one that you’re most excited about, or that you can finish first – this’ll build momentum that can transfer over into working on your other ideas.

(Of course, it is possible to be working on more than one thing at once! And many people do it incredibly well. If you’re one of these people, you can use this advice to help choose which idea to make your top priority, letting the others take more of a “back burner” status – working on them when you have the time, energy, & inclination to do so.)

In the meantime, you need to do something with the ideas that you aren’t working on at the moment. Part of the reason we can have such an inordinately hard time choosing one idea to work on is that we feel that by doing so, we’re abandoning the other ideas. If you do something that ensures you can come back to those other ideas later, you’re a lot more likely to be able to commit to working on this one idea for now. The best way to do this is to just take your descriptions of the ideas that you’ve already written and store them somewhere – whether online or off. They can be the start of your idea garden, and you can add new ideas as you come up with them.

In case you missed the link above, you can download your worksheet here. And follow Michelle @_chelleshock

Photo credit: Lamantin on Flickr

Can you relate to drowning in good ideas? How do you decide which to choose? Which one insight did you glean from this article? Please share in the Comments!

8 must-read blogs to boost your business & brand

Posted on by Red Slice

There’re waaaaayyyyy more than 31 blog and newsletter flavors out there, tempting readers with deliciously satisfying business and marketing wisdom. I don’t have to tell you – you’re reading one right now (which I hope is one of your faves).

But I’m often asked which are the tastiest ones I follow that help me with my own business and brand. So today for you, I’ve rustled up my top 8 blog and newsletter picks that I allow to invade my own inbox so you can check them out and see which ones will turbo-boost your brand, business or life, in no particular order:

  • Convince and Convert: This daily dose of smart and sophisticated social media news goes beyond mere opinion or playfulness. Jay Baer is one of my favorite people whom I’ve never met and he bills himself as a “hype-free” social media expert, which he is. He showcases interviews, guest posts, reports, case studies and the latest on how companies big and small are connecting with their customers, measuring success and using social media to grow their brand – and their sales. I even get something out of the studies and stories he shares about businesses much larger than mine, because it reveals the latest tools and trends. This is a guy with whom I could sit and have a beer (plus, he lives in Bloomington, Indiana, home of my alm mater IU, so I know he’s good people) – and he’s the real deal when it comes to dropping some knowledge bombs.
  • Heinz Marketing: Matt Heinz is a sales and customer relationship demon. He works with companies on sales enablement, lead generation, and customer relationships to accelerate sales and revenue growth. His blog, Matt on Marketing, is full of practical insights and I also subscribe to his newsletter (one of the few which I do).  Plus, I know Matt personally and he’s a sharp, nice guy to boot.
  • Savvy Sexy Social: Amy Schmittauer is a bubbly, snarky, hilarious online marketing princess who creates fun and informative videos for entrepreneurs and small businesses on how to build a strong online presence. Her videos are full of practical, easy to follow tips to make sense of doing business online – including advice on media outreach, content creation, and editorial planning. Amy is a video content creator working with brands to develop interesting informational vlogs (or “video blogs”) to share with their audience. and she walks her talk: delivering her own engaging and powerful advice in bite-sized video chunks. If you want to sell online without feeling slimy (if you’re part of my community, I pray that’s a “yes”), check her out.
  • Ali Rittenhouse: Ali’s an online business coach and trainer, helping women entrepreneurs build a digital emprire from their own laptop, just like she did. She demystifies tech and helps entrepreneurs embrace it to build their brand, business and revenue. As an “online enthusiast and digital diva,” she’s even taught me a few quick tricks on how to make my website look even better through her many free training videos.
  • Jamie Living: OK, while this is less about business building per se, Jamie Greenwood Dougherty helps rockstars on a mission get their body on board to create the life and business they want. Her content is all about taking better care of your physical and emotional needs so you can accomplish your most ambitious goals. YOU are your business’ most important asset and Jamie never lets you forget it.  You won’t get very far taking care of customers/clients if you can’t take care of yourself and Jamie’s sassy advice has even helped me and my husband improve our game and tackle more challenges with more energy. Her humor and passion shine through every blog post, and her emails are like little presents in my inbox.
  • Alexandra Franzen: I first worked with Alexandra a few years ago on some of my clients – as well as my own brand messaging – and was awed by her wordsmithing wizardry. A writer by trade, Alexandra is now a sherpa of self-expression and her following is huge (and well-deserved). Her weekly emails are like powerful poetry, full of musings to improve your messaging, work relationships, and self-confidence. All without being too woo-woo or preachy. I always score at least one wisdom-filled nugget from her weekly posts that I can immediately apply to my business (and my life). And (squeal!) we finally get to meet in person this May. Alexandra is “soul food” personifed.
  • CRAVE: Looking for a dose of entrepreneurial wisdom and a network of stylish business women right in your own city? CRAVE’s got you covered. You can sign up for your city’s newsletter and discover events, workshops and role models right in your own backyard. Offering business resources, advice and tips, the CRAVE newsletter includes guest posts from entrepreneurs who are out there, making things happen. Melody Biringer, CRAVE’s queen bee, is a dear friend devoted to promoting women-owned  businesses, as well as a serial entrepreneur in her own right, having started at least 23 businesses….and counting.
  • Melissa Cassera: Melissa turns business owners and entrepreneurs into PR rockstars – and she has a blast doing it. This woman knows PR like the back of her hand and is full of great advice to demystify media and make your brand a star. I recently met Melissa personally and besides having our Italian heritage and love for acting in common, you immediately feel her passion for business shining through. She preaches that you need to love your business if you want to get the attention of others – and the press. No one is more passionate about your business than you are and she gives great DIY advice for how to score with the press, sell yourself and build your brand.

Photo credit: Timtak on Flickr

Tweet the love! 8 must-read blogs to boost your business & brand via @redslice http://bit.ly/XPOR6O

Your turn: What do you read as a go-to blog/newsletter for business and brand advice? Besides moi, of course! Please share in the Comments and include a link for all of us so we can get some love.

The upside of making mistakes….no, really, there is one

Posted on by Red Slice

Today, a wonderful post from the vivacious Lynn Baldwin-Rhoades, founder of Power Chicks, a networking community for heart-centered women entrepreneurs and rockstars. I loved the lessons in this post so much, I asked her if we could share it. Enjoy!

Mistakes hurt.

Make one, and you get that yucky pit in your stomach. Often, it comes with a smack upside the noggin and a super-sized side of self-doubt.

Weird thing, though. Let those ouchy errors teach you and, amazingly, glitches become guidance. (Tweet this!)

Example:

When I expanded Power Chicks from a grassroots group to a business, I hired a consulting company to help me create a profit plan. Theirs was a “we decide the business model, you implement it” approach rather than a collaborative venture pairing their experience with my style.

This match unfortunately (yet logically) mirrored one of my crabbiest, most persistent inner critic’s voice: Other people know what to do better than you do.

Suckered in by Crabby Pants, I began to implement a business plan heaped with hard work, void of what felt easy and good (i.e., my natural talents and skills) and exhausting albeit in an exhilarating way. Pain was gain in my quest for success and the millions of dollars I would soon be making.

After many months of this, I was tired. Really tired. Exhilaration was out. Exhaustion was in.

Without being guided by my own inner strength and intuition, I had lost my way. Not only was the direction for my business one that bored me to tears, I was miserable.

Flashback.

Before I became an entrepreneur, I commuted 3 hours a day to a Fortune 500 company housed in a building called The Tower where I was cloistered in a gray cubical with a beige computer surrounded by pallid yellow walls. (Whew.) I left to create a life I loved.

This was not it.

With angst over thousands of wasted dollars seemingly burned in a bonfire quenched only by buckets of tears (oh, the drama!), I ended the consulting relationship.  With it, I scraped a year’s worth of work.

It took two months of radical self-care and many conversations with colleagues to begin to heal. But with that time came a fresh perspective on what I needed my business to look like.

Sustainable. Wholeheartedly sustainable. That meant money-wise, yes, of course. But viable in a much holistic way: a business congruent with who I am as a powerful woman with my own unique gifts, talents and desires. A business congruent with my energy on all levels — emotionally, mentally, even soulfully. A business congruent with strengths arising from the core of my being.

BAM. What a relief!

I saw where I’d gone wrong — I’d neglected myself to build something based on external input rather than allowing own values and wisdom to support my direction.

Fast forward to today.

Since then, I’ve found mentors who value collaborative planning as I move toward financial sustainability. This is a process, for sure! Yet this pathway is vastly more effective than disconnecting from myself. And when I step out of what deeply matters? Thanks to a commitment to myself and trusted allies to whom I turn again and again, I find my way back to center.

When someone recently asked on Facebook, “How do you stay so completely wholehearted and authentic in business?” my answer came lickety-split.

By making a mistake. (Tweet this!)

 

Photo credit: Peter Lindberg, Flikr

Do you agree? What is one big (or small) mistake you’ve made with your business, book or project that taught you more than you could ever imagine? Please share in the Comments!

7 lessons learned while writing my book…and what they can teach you

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Ever wanted to write a book?

When I was six, I wrote an elaborate children’s story about a family of mice who vacation at Disneyworld. I detailed their quaint village, their quirky personalities and every road trip adventure they encountered along the way. I never quite finished the tale, but relished the creative writing process. Explains all the poems, unpublished essays, and Chapter One’s sitting on my laptop, gathering dust.

Do you have an unfinished opus about your expertise sitting on your laptop? How about the next Harry Potter or crime thriller?

Fast forward 34 years: I have now authored two books and published several print and online articles.  And these seven valuable lessons I’ve learned may help you with your future screenplay, non-fiction best-seller or literary novel.

  1. Discipline your muse: Sorry, folks. Inspiration doesn’t always just “strike” especially when you’re on deadline. I used to write only when I literally couldn’t stop the ideas from tumbling out of my head.  That doesn’t work well when you have a launch date or an expectant publisher. I thought the muse would simply strike at her own whim and I could just lazily wait for her arrival– when, really, she often comes when you discipline yourself and consistently sit down to write. Make your writing schedule realistic like I did and break it up into doable chunks (i.e., this week, I’ll complete the outline. Next week, I’ll focus on chapter one.) If you sit down and just start writing, just like showing up to a job, some days you’ll produce brilliance and others you’ll produce crap. And if you need to take a break one day, take it. Ditch the guilt and then get back to the work tomorrow. The more you produce, the more you’ll finesse, tweak, explore, hammer out, invent, – and the more likely those “A Ha!” moments will come. It’s a probability game. The more you do, the more chances you’ll find gems in the work.
  2. Commit out loud: If you’re working on a book, you’re working on a book.  That means people need to understand your schedule may be different, you might not be at your spouse’s beck and call and you may have to pass up on certain activities. How do you make this happen? Not by hiding your writing in the dark of night, but by sharing your goal with the people in your life. State your intentions out loud so you not only force yourself to commit but you set others’ expectations of your time and attention. If you treat your writing as a hobby, to be done only “when you have time” or “feel like it” (see #1) it will never get done. Added bonus? You can find support, cheerleading and maybe even a few proofreaders along the way.
  3. Get comfortable with feedback: If you wither and die when someone gives you constructive criticism, get over it or go home. No one is perfect and every writer will tell you that good writing is re-writing. You need objective outsiders to review your work, especially professional editors and proofreaders. What may make sense in your own head could leave readers scratching theirs. My editors (rightly) questioned my chapter order, whether a story really made sense or not, where I was repeating myself. Just like your brand needs an objective audit, same is true for your book. But make sure you are seeking out feedback from trusted experts (professional developmental editors, etc.) or readers in your target audience and not merely changing course according to the whim on any old critic who comes your way…which brings me to #4…
  4. Picture your reader: Just like with a brand strategy, it helps to identify your actual reader. Not only will this help you effectively market the book, it prevents the writing from becoming a tangled mess. You absolutely need to be clear about for whom you are writing and what they will get. Branding Basics was written with small business owners, non-profit leaders and entrepreneurs in mind. I had a very clear picture of these people and this guided the wording, explanations and analogies that I used. I wrote Rebooting My Brain for both women struggling to overcome a life crisis, as well as brain injury caregivers and survivors. I pictured them in my mind as I typed.  What questions might they have? What information would they want to know? What would move, delight or inspire them? This ensured my memoir became something universal, useful and valuable for others.
  5. Prepare for diverse reactions: This one was a shocker. Turns out, the people I thought would be most excited by my book writing expressed passing interest (if that) and others who I thought wouldn’t give a damn became my best cheerleaders. At first, it really irritated me and, honestly, made me very sad and unsure. Here I was, doing something that absolutely petrified me, and it was like certain people close to me were not even acknowledging it. Recognize that writing a book is an art form and not everyone “gets” artists. Some don’t know how to respond, some may think you’re nuts, others will drool with envy and still others will admire you beyond belief and support you full throttle.  And by support, I mean even just simply remember that you’re holed up writing and ask you how it’s going from time to time.  But I finally learned that my big dream was big to me and people are usually just doing the best they know how. They have their own lives to live and dreams to pursue and may not even realize how deeply their reactions (or non-reactions) are hurting you. If certain people in your life don’t engage for whatever reason, that’s kind of not any of your business – you have work to do. Throw expectations of other people’s reactions out the door, write the book because your soul has to, needs to, and be humble and grateful to those who openly support your dream.
  6. Prepare for self-doubt….often: At every point in my book writing process, for both books, I doubted myself. My expertise, my knowledge, my ability to tell a good story, whether people would care, whether they would judge me. You name it, I thought it. This is natural when you follow a dream. Someone once said that if you’re scared, then you know you’re doing the right thing. Every writer has at one point during the writing process thought, “What the hell am I doing?” But if you believe in yourself, your knowledge, your story – and never lose sight of the value it will provide – that will help you stay the course. Post up inspirational notes, talk to other writers, find an online writing community and surround yourself with people who will prop you up (or take you out for vodka tonics) when the doubt attacks.
  7. It’s your story…TELL IT! One day while writing Rebooting My Brain, my heart sank as I scrolled through title after title of “aneurysm survivor” books on Amazon and I thought, “What can I possibly add to this conversation? Some of these people are overcoming way worse long-term disabilities than I am. Plus, I’m not famous or anything so who will care about my story?” One of my dearest friends emailed me, “Maria, Eat, Pray, Love was just about a regular woman who got divorced and took a trip. How many books have been written about that? It’s all in how you TELL it, in your voice, which makes it a story people will want – and need to – read.” Bless her wise perspective. And the countless emails I’ve received thanking me for all my books have done for them is all the proof I need that she was right. No one can tell a story or share wisdom the way you can and you just may touch someone in a way no other book or story can. Don’t think your story isn’t valuable because the plotline has been done. If that were true, people would never write another new book again. Put your unique spin on it and just believe.

Which piece of advice resonates (or scares you) the most? If you’ve written a book, what additional advice would you share from your own lessons learned? Please share in the Comments!

How to finish: 5 tips for making wild dreams come true

Posted on by Maria Ross

It’s February, which means about 80% of your New Year’s goals are already shot, right? Why is dreaming up our big ideas so much easier than making them happen? Today’s insightful guest post from entrepreneur and content marketing expert Betsy Talbot will change all that.

When you embark on a big project for your business, even one as essential (and fun!) as branding, it’s easy to get lost in the details and spin out of control. Either your list of actions or decisions grows so big you can’t possibly finish it (so you don’t even start), or you make a serious dent in the list but run out of steam before you finish.

It is frustrating to be gung-ho about something important and watch it wither away to apathy or outright frustration before it is finished.

My husband Warren and I are pros at getting things done. It has always been true, but it is even more so since we first had the idea to travel the world in 2008. We eventually made our journey into a lifestyle media business called Married with Luggage that we kept for many years (we retired it to pursue other entrepreneurial ventures), and we created books and videos to show other people how to create the life they really want from the life they already have. We challenged ourselves personally and creatively to do new things, publicly and privately, and we mostly succeed.

I’m not writing this to brag. I’m writing because people notice these things, and we get this question a lot via email and in person:

Why do we accomplish so many of our personal and business goals while other people struggle to even get started on theirs?

While we’d like to think it is because we are superhuman (only because we could then justify wearing shiny costumes and capes), the answer is much more practical.

In fact, it consists of just 5 basic steps which I’m going to share with you today. Tip #1 is…

1. Goals have deadlines

In our book, Dream Save Do: An Action Plan for Dreamers, my husband Warren and I wrote that a dream without a deadline is already dead. This is true if your goal is as big as a trip around the world or as small as making one sales call per day.

After you’ve determined a goal, whether it is to move, start a side business, paint your house, save money, get a new job, or lose weight, the first step is giving yourself a finish date. Without it, you won’t push yourself to get it done, no matter how much you want it. The status quo and routine of life is too comforting, too hard to break out of, without a specific reason to do so.

When we start a writing project, the first step is to give ourselves a publish date. From the very first word of the project, we know when it is due and how many words have to be written each day to make it happen. When we decide to travel to a new destination, we pick a date to go/arrive. We may leave a lot of details open after we decide to do something, but we never shrink back from a deadline.

The action of setting a date propels you to begin the work to make your goal a reality. (Tweet this!)

2. Take action on dreams every single day

You can’t really be part-time about your goals and dreams or you’ll never reach them. Many people think life is changed by big steps, huge events, and giant milestones, but the truth is that big, lasting change happens in the tiny steps and choices you make every single day. The cumulative effect of those small steps is what brings about the milestones and big leaps everyone around you thinks happened overnight.

Before we left on this journey in 2010, we sold a few possessions every single week for 2 years. Creating Craigslist ads isn’t glamorous, but it took this daily attention to decluttering to free us up to leave (and pad our bank account at the same time).

Now we use the same strategy to carve out time to write books, set up an editorial calendar, manage our websites, edit photographs, practice languages, exercise, market our books, and contribute to other websites. We also make time to connect with our friends and family around the world every week. Most people think we’re on permanent vacation, but it is because we do these essential things that we continue to live a life of travel and experience.

You don’t get something for nothing.

The small actions you take on your goals every single day are a better predictor of overall success than your perfectly drafted plans or good intentions. (Tweet this!)

3. Don’t be afraid to try something new or make a mistake

When you want to accomplish more things, it means you’ll be doing more. It may sound simple to spell it out like that, but people forget. And when the things you want to get done are new to you, you are bound to make mistakes.

Warren and I screw up regularly, but we typically don’t screw up twice on the same thing. The key in all this new activity is to learn from what works as well as what doesn’t so you continually improve as you go. When you eventually become good at one thing, it opens up space in your life to become a beginner at something else.

When we were in Peru we signed up for our first multi-day trek. We had zero experience other than walking, and we came very ill-equipped to handle the rigors of the journey. We were wet and tired every single day – we didn’t even bring rain gear during the rainy season! – but we learned a lot. Since then, we’ve become pros at trekking and do it all over the world.

The key is to never stop making mistakes because it means you’ve stopped trying new things. (Tweet this!)

4. Know how to take negative feedback

Opinions are like asses: everyone’s got one. And sometimes the person giving you his opinion is an asshole. But getting things done requires a certain amount of rubber to your skin. You will always have critics, even when you do amazing things (Campbell’s Soup says thousands will lose jobs after Betsy Talbot selfishly cures common cold! Details at 11.). Sometimes the feedback is justified and you can learn from it, making you or your project better, and other times you’re going to just have to let it bounce off.

The key is divorcing your personal feelings of worth from feedback on your endeavors, both good and bad. Failure or mistakes on a project do not equate to failures or mistakes as a human being. This is also when you discover that some people will love what you are doing for the exact same reasons others hate it. You will never please everyone, and knowing this from the start will help you keep moving – and learning – when negative feedback starts.

When you can step to the side and view feedback in a more objective way, it allows you to glean the lessons and discard the trash quickly and productively. (Tweet this!)

5. Track actions and results

Whether you geek out like we do with a spreadsheet or you journal your progress creatively with video or art, staying on track with a goal requires tracking. If your project is longer than a day, you will forget what you’ve done, the brainstorms you had for what to do next, or the ideas others contribute along the way. Tracking also keeps you from veering off into unnecessary tasks as your attention wanders.

Weight Watchers has built their entire business around tracking food and calorie intake daily and weighing weekly. Athletes keep track of their personal best performance times so they can improve. Project managers track everything from software development to building houses.

We keep track of the metrics on our website, Facebook page, and book sales, learning what works and what doesn’t. We track our pitches to other websites, radio, and magazines. We monitor our daily writing counts when working on a book. We make a list of all the things we want to see/eat/do when we arrive in a new location so we won’t forget.

It can be as simple as a small notebook or as elaborate as a software program.

You’ll reach your goals faster if you know what to do, when to do it, and what happens as a result of doing it. (Tweet this!)

How you can get more things done

Whether you have one big dream in mind or just want to accomplish more of the small stuff on a regular basis, these 5 habits will create the perfect environment to make it happen. We work these habits every day, and they have given us a life we once only dreamed of. (In fact, that’s why we never had it before: we were only dreaming!)

  • Set a firm deadline
  • Take daily action on your goals
  • Don’t be afraid of mistakes and trying new things
  • Learn from negative feedback (and ignore it when there is nothing to learn)
  • Track your actions and results

Betsy and Warren Talbot show people every day how to make their biggest dreams a reality with practical, step-by-step advice that works. Check out their book, Dream Save Do: An Action Plan for Dreamers, to find out how you can make your wildest dreams a reality. (EDITORIAL NOTE: It’s fantastic!) 

Which one tip will you put into practice today to make your dreams a reality? Tweet me @redslice and let me know!

Ahoy! 4 lessons for success learned while sailing the ocean

Posted on by Red Slice

When people do something audacious and almost unimaginable, I tend to soak up their wisdom. They are the brave, after all. The bold. The ones who dare step off the cliff and test how deep the water really is while the rest of us bask safely on shore.

Wendy Hinman is a writer friend of mine who has lived an extraordinary life. She sailed the Pacific with her husband for 7 years, returned changed and wiser, and has written a book about her adventure, Tightwads of the Loose: A Seven Year Pacific Odyssey. Today’s she shares four lessons about life and success learned on that ocean voyage. Enjoy….

You can do amazing things one day at a time.

If someone had told me years ago that I would sail 34,000 miles over seven years on a small sailboat, I’d never have believed it.  But I didn’t do it all in a single day.  I covered those miles one day at a time.  (Tweet!) And that’s how you can reach your goals: in little steps, that quickly add up to significant milestones. The same was true when I wrote my book.I began by writing a scene each week for my writing group–a little story or anecdote about the challenges we faced while sailing. They made suggestions, and before long I had enough to fill and shape a full-length book.

Some of the most satisfying things in life come from overcoming challenges.

People often dream about kicking back and relaxing, but it’s often the biggest challenges we face that make us feel the most alive. I learned the rewards were richer the harder I had to fight for them.  Making landfall after 21 days of non-stop sailing was a big deal, and I appreciated the place I’d reached even more because it was hard to get there. (Tweet!) I relished the lush vegetation, the rocky spires that jutted into the sky, and the cool waterfalls all the more.

If you don’t push yourself, you don’t know what you’re capable of.

We faced countless challenges and many moments we thought might be our last.  We faced storms, typhoons, reefs, broken equipment and some shady characters whose intentions were uncertain at best and tested our resolve and endurance in rough conditions. Some days I doubted I could take any more. (Tweet!) On our last passage, after more than 46 days of non-stop sailing–not seeing another human being besides my husband for over a month and a half–a storm drove us offshore for another three days.  I didn’t think I could take another moment.  But given no choice, not only did I survive, I accomplished something few others ever have.

It helps to keep a sense of humor.

After ten days sailing in horrible weather, waves crashing over me, the boat interior damp and mildewy beyond belief and a sewage problem the CDC would have quarantined, I was thoroughly miserable.  But I reached a point where I grew bored with my misery. Bundled up in the cockpit under an avalanche of saltwater, it occurred to me that I would face this for several more days, whether I liked it or not.  My attitude could make the difference between misery and happiness.  I began to notice the absurdity of my situation and from that moment, though I still faced horrible conditions, I found myself chuckling, imaging how I would describe it to friends afterward.  Stepping out of that moment mentally helped me see it objectively as temporary and survivable–mere discomfort in the grand scale of life. I’ve realized the toughest situations make for the best stories, (Tweet!) so I try to think about them from the perspective of a writer with new-found “material.’

About Wendy: Wendy Hinman is the author of Tightwads on the Loose: A Seven Year Pacific Odyssey, about her 34,000-mile voyage aboard a 31-foot boat with her husband, Garth Wilcox, to whom she’s still married and still happens to like. Wendy Hinman’s stories have appeared in a variety of publications.  One of them was published in the anthology, We Came to Say, and another won a Solas Traveler’s Tales award for best travel writing.

What has a memorable travel experience taught you about success in life or at work? Please share in the Comments below, as we’d love to know!