Tag: leadership

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Even MVP’s Need a Coach: Why Leaders Can’t Go It Alone

Posted on by Red Slice

I admire my 11-year-old son’s confidence. Truly. But it is funny that he has yet to learn the art of mastery. Of honing, refining, practicing, and getting better.

At 8, he had taken two or three trial Taekwondo classes and then stopped, But if you asked, he would tell you he “knows” Taekwondo. 

To a lesser extreme, no matter our age, we seem to achieve a certain level in our mastery of anything where we assume we are done learning. Whether it’s childhood piano lessons or becoming a C-suite executive, we tend to believe that the journey is over, or we get so busy on doing, we never stop to assess our ability from time to time. And we sometimes believe that “getting by with the basics” is enough to keep us going.

I tell my son, and I’ll share with you, to simply look at elite athletes and how they continue to hone and refine their talent. NO matter how many championships or Gold Medals won. If you’re Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, or Draymond Green (yes, I’m a Golden State Warriors basketball fan, even though Klay has moved to Dallas 😢), you still go to practice every week. You still revisit drills and basics. You still receive coaching and guidance. You still review and dissect game film to fine-tune your play.

No matter your level, you still rely on your coach and team to be your sounding board, sanity check, and truth-tellers.

C-suite and senior executives still have a lot to learn. They are not DONE. Why? Because the workplace, your team, and leadership paradigm shift and evolve, so you must adapt as well. You can always sharpen your skills, have better conversations, recharge your own energy, and experiment with new ways to motivate your team to great results. 

The minute you believe you are done learning as a leader is the minute you will no longer be an effective leader.

Plus, leadership can be really lonely. You are surrounded by less peers within your organization to share the tough stuff and provide support. You may have a really great team dynamic, but your direct reports can’t relate to what you are specifically going through, at your level. They don’t have the same kinds of responsibilities, pressures, and skill gaps you may have.

Finding the right support or peer cohort can help you as a leader:

  • enhance decision-making with new perspectives
  • hold yourself accountable to goals and growth
  • drive sustained leadership success through best practices and fresh ideas\
  • find a space that meets your needs for a change and enables you to be yourself, recharge, refocus, and get a break from daily pressures

Here are 3 ways high-achieving senior leaders can find support and uplevel their leadership skills:

1. Join a Mastermind or Peer Advisory Group

As I wrote in The Empathy Dilemma, almost every single successful leader who is both empathetic and high-performing that I have researched or interviewed engages in either peer support or coaching. It is why this tactic appears a few times in my book to help you strengthen not just your self-awareness pillar, but your self-care pillar. Surrounding yourself with similar high-level peers who have no stake in your work creates a space for honest feedback, idea-sharing, and perspective expansion. Masterminds help break isolation, challenge your thinking, and provide accountability—all crucial for continued growth at the top.

You can find organized associations or seek out a private, curated collective like my Empathy Edge Mastermind. Come get a taste of that if you like in an upcoming 2-day event.

2. Work with an Executive Coach or Mentor

A skilled coach helps uncover unseen gaps, clarify your leadership vision, and navigate tough decisions. Mentors offer real-world wisdom and perspective based on experience in similar roles. Finding a mentor can involve someone more senior than you, a retired professional, or even a successful peer. You want to choose someone who challenges you, not someone who simple agrees with everything you say!

3. Invest in Continuous Learning (Retreats, Courses, Think Tanks)

Executives who intentionally step away to learn, reflect, and reset often return refreshed, sharper, and with innovative ideas to tackle challenges. Find an experience that addresses your interests but also builds a skill set for you, such as emotional intelligence, managing hybrid teams, or future trends. Look for events you can really immerse yourself in and take time away from your daily pressures. Bonus if you can surround yourself with people both in and outside of your industry to gain broader perspectives on best practices. 

If you are looking for a good place to start sharpening your skills, please reach out and let’s talk! Or get a taste of my Empathy Edge Mastermind and see if it aligns with what you need right now.

Photo Credit: Raw Pixel

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Empathetic Leadership Lessons From the Ultimate Crash Course: Parenting

Posted on by Red Slice

Nothing has taught me more about empathy than being a parent. Full stop.

And trust me, I’ve had plenty of training. I’ve studied empathy, coached it, written books about it, and spoken to rooms full of leaders about how to cultivate it. But the real crash course? That came the moment I became “Mom.”

Parenting is empathy bootcamp on steroids. Talk about adapting to different styles: you’re not just parenting one child—you’re parenting a different version of that child every few months. One day, he’s gleefully dancing hip hop at a local dance studio. Six months later, he would rather die than dance in public, and suddenly hates that same song you used to belt out together in the car.

It’s disorienting, exhausting, and often hilarious. And most of all, it’s a masterclass in seeing the world from a perspective that’s wildly different from your own—even when it makes zero logical sense to you.

So yes, I’ve hesitated to compare parenting to leadership. It can feel condescending—no adult wants to feel like they’re being “parented” at work. But the parallels are impossible to ignore. Just like with your kids, the best leaders are the ones who adapt, listen deeply, stay humble, and respond with compassion rather than control.

Here are four parenting lessons I’m (constantly) learning—read: screwing up, reflecting on, and trying again—that translate directly to empathetic leadership:

1. Stay Humble

Your child’s world is not your world. I can try to learn the Gen Z slang. I can try (and fail) to buy the right hoodie or get the TikTok reference. But I will never be “in” his generation. I’m forever a tourist in his cultural landscape. And in his words, I grew up “in dinosaur times.”

Ouch. And also—fair.

Humility is critical here. The moment I get defensive or try to assert authority simply because I’m older or “wiser,” I lose the chance to truly connect. It’s the same with employees. You may have more experience, but that doesn’t mean your view is the only valid one. Ego kills empathy. Empathetic leaders check their assumptions and stay open to learning—from anyone, at any level.

2. Practice Resilience

I used to love a good routine. Consistency was my jam. And then I became a parent.

Plans? Ha. Routines? Temporary. There’s always a new sport, a last-minute sleepover request, a forgotten science project due tomorrow morning. Parenting forces you to improvise constantly. You bend or you break.

The same applies at work. Leadership—especially empathetic leadership—requires emotional agility. You can’t cling to rigid strategies when people’s lives and needs are fluid. You learn to adapt in real time and not take disruption personally. Change isn’t an obstacle—it’s a given. Resilient leaders don’t just survive it, they model how to move through it with grace.

3. Meet Them Where They Are

My son has his own strengths, struggles, and rhythms. I can’t project my goals or pace onto him and expect things to go smoothly. I have to understand what motivates him, what holds him back, and how he best learns and grows. Only then can we work toward something together.

This is leadership in a nutshell. People aren’t blank slates you get to mold into your ideal worker. They bring their personalities, strengths, and limitations. Your job is to tune in, not steamroll. The most effective leaders build trust by meeting people where they are—and helping them thrive from that starting point.

4. Let Go of Control

Here’s one I continue to struggle with, especially as my son gets older: I am not in control. I can set boundaries, offer guidance, and hold space. But ultimately, he’s going to make his own choices, develop his own opinions, and experience his own wins and failures.

Empathetic leaders don’t micromanage or dictate every move. They create a safe environment for people to step into their autonomy. That means trusting your team to find their own voice—even if it means they sometimes fail. Especially then. Because empathy isn’t about protecting people from discomfort; it’s about supporting them through it.

Empathy is a Daily Practice

Empathy in leadership isn’t just about being “nice.” It’s about doing the hard, human work of showing up with curiosity, humility, and flexibility—even when you’re tired or frustrated or just don’t get it. Parenting has been the ultimate mirror for me—a reminder that real empathy isn’t something you master and move on from. It’s something you practice. Over and over and over again.

So whether you’re leading a team or helping a pre-teen navigate a middle school meltdown, remember: you don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be present, be real, and be willing to grow right alongside them.

Need some upskilling for yourself or your team on how to apply empathy in the workplace in practical ways that lead to results? Let’s chat about your needs and goals, and see if one of my  workshops or talks can help transform your team into master collaborators and fearless innovators.

Photo Credit: Surface on Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Two Articles, One Award, and One Great Deal for Your Team

Posted on by Red Slice

Word is spreading!

Empathy is not just good for society. It’s great for business. And this message I’ve been touting for years is finally getting its time in the spotlight.

Wanted to share two of my articles that appeared in the last month – and the fact that The Empathy Dilemma is now an award-winning book!

📚 GRAB COPIES FOR YOUR TEAM! Equip your team and leaders with a powerful way to transform or sharpen their leadership and achieve radical success: increasing engagement, boosting sales, crushing performance goals, and enjoying higher rates of retention and loyalty.

Get a BIG discount for a volume purchase. If you buy 25 books or more, drop me a DM and I’ll pop in for a free Zoom author Q&A or book club discussion at your next meeting!

See discounts and order now right here – easy peasy, Porchlight Book Company will take care of you.

And now, two articles about why empathy leads to leadership success….

Fast Company: Why Empathy is Essential for Business Success

This is a very personal story to show what empathetic leadership really looks like for all those claiming it’s weak, and how it saved my life.

It’s been a longtime dream of mine to be published in Fast Company and I couldn’t be more proud of this first article. Given the dude bro rhetoric going around that empathy has no place in business, that it is weak, and whatever nonsense they are spewing, this couldn’t be more timely.

Empathetic leaders are not simpering cowards who cave into everyone and anyone. That is submission, not empathy, folks.

They are STRONG ENOUGH to listen to other points of view without defensiveness or fear. Those leaders also know when it’s time to make a decision and move forward to achieve a goal. It’s HOW they do it that matters. They care. They bring people along. They acknowledge hardship. They consider new options if they make sense.

Hope you enjoy and will share!

Inc: How Empathetic Leadership Drives Business Success

Want to decrease turnover, increase profits…and boost engagement and innovation within your org? (If NO, what are you even doing?!)

Now that I have your attention, I wanted to share this Inc. Magazine article in which Moshe Engelberg graciously interviewed me about the ROI of empathy

The more we beat the drum about the DATA and RESEARCH behind all the benefits organizations reap when they invest in strengthening leaders’ empathy, applying it practically to the workplace, and fostering thriving cultures, the more we prove that empathy is not just good for society….it’s great for business.

Would love to know what you think of the articles! Please share on social and tag me!

Photo Credit: John Arano on Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Beyond Either/Or: Why Great Leaders Embrace Both/And Thinking

Posted on by Red Slice

Did you know that human brains are wired to adopt binary thinking for survival? We see things as black and white, right or wrong, so we can quickly assess threats and opportunities.  Like the big wooly mammoth coming at you. Or Mr. Lumberg heading over to ask about your TPS Report.

In reality, we often deal with shades of gray – and those shades differ depending on your own life experiences. Accepting that two seemingly contradictory beliefs are true is known as dialectical thinking – and this vital skill helps you navigate change, balance priorities,  and creatively adapt.

Either/Or leadership will not serve you well as a 21st-century leader. Not when complex challenges require diverse voices to collaborate and innovate together. To quickly build those trusted relationships, we need to embrace BOTH/AND leadership. 

Leadership that balances BOTH the demands of the organization AND the needs of your people. 

Empathetic leadership CAN co-exist with high performance, accountability, profitability, and even having your own clear boundaries. Stud after study shows this. 

But how? 

This balancing act is what I call The Empathy Dilemma.

For example, empathy can co-exist with high performance, accountability, profitability, and clear boundaries. 

Sounds good, right? So why is it so hard to maintain that balance?

See, it gets challenging in the modern fast-paced, stressful workplace because of generational misunderstandings, diverse voices, and those who weaponize empathy to get their way. 

Plus, the fact that most people don’t really understand what empathy means and how it can show up in a professional setting like the workplace just add to the confusion. 

So our brains, which love binary thinking and simple answers, can’t just go on autopilot. Showing up for different people based on their different needs requires effort: how we listen, how we communicate, how we offer support, how we emotionally regulate ourselves. Empathy doesn’t allow us to react impulsively or operate on auto-pilot. So, some leaders simply fall back on what they know: command and control. 

I get it—letting go of the status quo is scary! But being aware of why you fall back on bad habits is the first step to growth and change.

Let’s be clear. Empathy does not have to mean crying on the floor with your employees. Empathy at work means being able to see, understand, and where appropriate, feel another person’s perspective. And further, use that information to act with compassion. To take the next right step together.

Next step? Let’s debunk common empathy myths that might be holding you back from better collaboration and connection with your team:

Empathy is not about being nice. Nice is sweet, and thoughtful, and lovely. But it doesn’t mean you see someone else’s point of view.

Empathy is not caving into unreasonable demands. That’s people pleasing or submission, not empathy. You can make tough business decisions but do so with respect and compassion in HOW you implement and communicate. 

One of my most empathetic leaders actually had to lay off our entire team before a merger. But how he did it made a difference. He gently but clearly broke the news, gave us space to process, prepared in advance for our questions, and provided his time, resources and support to make this easier on us. He’s still a close mentor to this day!

Empathy is not a weakness. It requires great strength to take on someone else’s point of view without defensiveness or fear. You can be confidently empathetic and You can be confidently empathetic, make hard decisions, and hold people accountable.

All at the same time. Both/And.

Finally, empathy does not mean you have to agree. Empathy is about connection, not conversion or coercion. You can have an empathetic conversation, and better understand someone’s context, but still leave with your values intact. You and the CFO may not agree on a strategic plan but you can get curious, actively listen, and acknowledge her perspective. And she can do the same for you. Maybe then you find out he doesn’t support your plan because he has elder parents he cares for and this will require more of his time, or that he implemented a similar plan at his last company and it failed. Or she may reveal a truth you hadn’t considered. You can then learn why the other person sees things the way they do. Get curious, actively listen, and acknowledge why someone thinks the way they do so you can find common ground and move the decision forward. 

Think about how you show up as a leader and ask yourself: Am I choosing my behaviors based on either/or thinking, or can I embrace BOTH/AND thinking to show up in th best way to achieve my goals and support my team?

Photo Credit: Alice Yamamura, Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Healthy Leaders Balance Masculine and Feminine Energy

Posted on by Red Slice

“Can you write a book about FEMININE traits as a strategic advantage instead?”

This is what the NYC agent asked me after reviewing my book proposal back in 2017. I was shopping The Empathy Edge around and was on a mission to prove how empathetic leaders, cultures, and teams are a competitive advantage for organizations. The ROI of empathy, as I like to say.

The agent loved my writing, and the #MeToo movement (which started in 2006) had gained massive momentum that year after famous Hollywood actresses spilled the beans on sexual harassment and assault. So publishers were scrambling for books about women, for women. And this agent wanted to serve up a book she thought would get easily sold.

I said, “Sorry, no.”

Yes, I walked away from what might have been a lucrative book deal because it was not the book I wanted to write. 

Empathy is a human trait. It’s gender-neutral. We are all born with it to one degree or another – it’s what has helped our species survive. I didn’t want to add to the excuses leaders (mostly men) make about why they can’t be compassionate, listen actively, or support their teams. 

I wanted to de-gender empathy and reinforce it as the human trait it is.

The narrative is that masculine energy is dominant, strong, logical, and aggressive. And that female energy is nurturing, creative, collaborative, and soft. But if you read even the most basic of ancient texts, you’ll soon realize that these traits go beyond gender. And that we have BOTH energies within all of us.

It’s the masculine/feminine balance we need to embrace to be a successful leader – and human. This is a great essay on why that balance is so important. The author writes about striving for that balance to be more resilient. 

So enter all the scuttlebutt about Mark Zuckerberg’s recent words, that corporate culture has become “neutered” and that we need to bring back more “masculine energy.”

Oh boy.

My empathetic question of Zuckerberg would be what do you mean by masculine energy? Or is that just coded language for white supremacy and patriarchy? Because “masculine energy” has done nothing but create a toxic environment where men are not allowed to feel their feelings, where they have limited choices, and experience loneliness, depression, and suicide at alarming rates. 

Where boys can only turn to violence or intimidation to soothe their hurt. 

If that’s the masculine energy you’re referring to, we’ll take a hard pass, thank you. We actually need a balance.

If you mean ambition, competitiveness, bravery, strength – I hate to tell you, Mark, but it’s 2025 and women can exhibit all of those traits as well. But thanks for your gender bias. We don’t really need to label these traits masculine or feminine. They are human traits and they belong to us all. 

This great Forbes article by Gemma Allen said it best:

“The tech industry’s fascination with “masculine energy” isn’t just about gender. It’s really about power. It’s about who gets to lead, who gets to innovate, and who gets to shape our technological future. When industry leaders like Zuckerberg frame leadership in masculine terms, they’re not just expressing personal preference – they’re reinforcing a status quo, while simultaneously retreating from diversity initiatives. “

This is not about masculine versus feminine energy. It’s about power. Power taken at the expense of women and marginalized communities. Power for WHITE MALES.

Empathy is about seeing diverse points of view, actively listening, and meeting people where they are so they can do their best work. That requires you to put ego aside, it requires compassion. It requires deep self-awareness.  Something none of the folks Zuckerberg is currently hanging out with have any desire to do.

What Zuckerberg said was not surprising. He just said the quiet part that the wealthy tech bro community already believes out loud. But in his uninformed statement, he overlooked the value of collaboration, diversity, equity, compassion, listening, and inclusion ON THE BOTTOM LINE.

We need to stop gendering important traits that lead to success. We need to find that balance to achieve our goals, promote mental health, and create opportunity for everyone.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Empathy Circles at Work: A Powerful Tool with Limitation

Posted on by Red Slice

As someone who has dedicated my career to helping leaders infuse empathy into their work, I’m always fascinated by the practical tools that bring this concept to life. 

One such tool I’ve known about for quite some time is Empathy Circles—a structured approach to fostering understanding and connection. I first heard about Empathy Circles from Edwin Rutsch and his team at the Center for Building a Culture of Empathy. Edwin and I met when he attended The Empathy Edge book launch party in Berkeley in 2019. He shared how his team has used Empathy Circles at the most divisive political rallies the U.S. has seen in recent years. They set up Empathy Tents at these rallies to get a person from each side of the political spectrum into a tent and facilitate listening to each other. Not to convert, but to LISTEN.

I then attended the group’s intense and rewarding free online training on Empathy Circle facilitation. And wow, was it eye-opening! It was a painful but necessary workout for my active listening muscles and how to withhold judgment to allow someone to be fully heard.

Edwin’s mission is that Empathy Circles become the foundational practice for empathy, just as meditation is for mindfulness.

Recently, I had the chance to speak at one of Edwin’s Empathy Summits where we specifically discussed the Empathy Circle practice. I presented both the pluses and the minuses of leveraging Empathy Circles at work.

You can view the full Summit and speakers here and my 10-minute presentation here.

Empathy circles can be incredibly powerful in the workplace, but they’re not without their limitations.

The Pros and Cons of Empathy Circles in the Workplace

What are Empathy Circles? Picture a safe, supportive environment where team members can share their perspectives and be deeply heard. One person moderates and keeps time. A speaker is given a time limit, say 5 minutes, and chooses a Listener. Remaining members are just silent observers. At periodic intervals, the Listener then reflects back what they heard the person say – without judgment or commentary. The Speaker can then correct or confirm what the Listener stated before continuing. The Listener becomes the next Speaker and so it continues on. The set structure of these circles encourages active listening, reflection, and, most importantly, connection. 

See one for yourself right here.

I’ve participated in Empathy Circles myself, and let me tell you—it’s harder than it looks! It requires you to fully focus on someone else’s words without jumping in with advice or counterpoints. It’s a muscle we all need to exercise, especially in the workplace.

My book, The Empathy Dilemma, presents the 5 Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership. and how they are supported by curiosity, active listening, withholding judgment, and synthesizing multiple perspectives. Empathy circles directly support these underlying skills. By creating a space for open dialogue, these circles help team members understand each other’s contexts and experiences. This can be transformative for resolving tensions or bridging generational and cultural divides.

However, empathy circles aren’t a one-size-fits-all solution. While they excel at fostering connection, making space for someone to speak their mind, and resolving conflicts, they’re not always the best modality for every leadership need. 

For example: You’ve got two people on your team who don’t get along and it’s impacting the work. Get them in a room and facilitate an Empathy Circle so that they can hear each other. Provide that space where people can share their stories, their perspectives, or their feedback, in a safe, supportive environment without interruption or judgment.

Another example:  Brainstorming meetings could really benefit from using a structure like an Empathy Circle so that everyone – whether introverted or extroverted –  can be heard. Everyone gets equal air time.

Empathy Circles may be less effective in product design meetings where decisions need to be made, or ideas need to be built upon. And perhaps they may not be effective when conducting performance reviews. Why? Because they’re designed to prioritize listening and understanding, not necessarily rapid and additive back-and-forth exchanges or decision-making. For effective feedback loops, leaders need to ask clarifying questions and offer constructive input—something that traditional Empathy Circles don’t always allow.

This brings me to an important point about empathetic leadership: it’s not about being nice or avoiding tough conversations. It’s about showing up with curiosity and courage. Sometimes, that means using tools like Empathy Circles to create a foundation of trust and mutual respect. Other times, it means shifting to a different approach, like open-ended Q&A sessions or iterative feedback mechanisms, to meet specific goals.

One of the biggest barriers to empathy in the workplace is ego. As leaders, we must let go of the need to always be right or have all the answers. Empathy circles are a great exercise in doing just that. They remind us to listen without judgment, ensure we understand the other person, and view others’ experiences as valid, even if they differ from our own.

But let’s not stop there. While Empathy Circles are a valuable tool, they’re just one part of an empathetic leadership toolkit. Leaders can consider other modalities that support innovation, performance, and accountability. And they should never lose sight of the ultimate goal: creating an environment where people feel seen, heard, and valued.

So, where does this leave us? Empathy Circles are a powerful way to practice active listening and resolve conflicts, but they’re not the be-all and end-all. By understanding their strengths and limitations, leaders can use them strategically alongside other tools to build a culture of empathy and high performance.

Please remember: the key to empathetic leadership isn’t perfection; it’s progress. Let’s keep moving forward, one empathetic conversation at a time.

Find or join an Empathy Circle on a topic of your choice to see for yourself.

If you’d like to try an Empathy Circle for your team, please reach out to me. I am trained in effective facilitation and would love to support you in creating stronger connections, building collaboration, and learning how to listen across differences.

Photo credit: Edwin Rutsch, Online Global Empathy Circle Facilitator Training, 2021

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Empathy in Life AND At Work is Worth Fighting For

Posted on by Red Slice

The Dalai Lama had a lot to say about business and leadership. Yes, the Dalai Lama.

A few years ago, I read the book A Force for Good: The Dalai Lama’s Vision for Our World  by Daniele Goleman. It was a game changer for me, in terms of marrying values, ethics, and business – with a splash of spirituality.

Imagine a world where compassion is the norm.

This is the world I’m trying to build with my work. 

His Holiness has met with leaders from around the world and has seen how many of them bring purpose and positive energy into their work – and how successful they were as a result. He often talks about self-awareness and self-mastery being the essence of good leadership. And if you are able to be self-aware and have self-mastery, that usually means you are putting your ego aside for something greater than yourself.

When studies like the 2024 Businessolver State of Workplace Empathy report still show that 37% of CEO’s, 30% of HR professionals, and 244% of employees believe empathy doesn’t have a place in the workplace – IMHO that number should be zero – while ALSO claiming higher rates of workplace toxicity and mental health challenges, how are they not putting the two things together?

Business is just another way we humans interact with one another. It’s not outside of ourselves. For many of us, we spend the bulk of our time there. 

How is it possible that some of us still think we have some sort of armor we put on when we clock in, or, like the Apple TV series Severance, that a chip is implanted in us to forget about everything going on in our personal lives when we walk through the office door – and everything about our work life is gone when we take the elevator back up?

Empathy belongs in any place where humans interact with other humans.

When we lose touch with our ability to be compassionate in the face of adversity, challenge or tough decisions, we relinquish our humanity. 

We shouldn’t be required to give up our humanity just to work at an accounting firm, software company, or construction site. We should be able to be whole people wherever we are in the world. However, we move about it, and with whomever we choose to interact. 

There are some pretty awful leadership role models entering our spheres of business, society, and government. There always have been, there always will be It’s easy to say we’re resigned to that. But we cannot go gentle into that goodnight, as poet Dylan Thomas once wrote. Human connection, empathy, and compassion are worth fighting for. And we fight for them not with weapons and screaming, but by embracing those values. By modeling them, celebrating them, and rewarding them in whatever sphere of influence we have. We fight by disproving the false belief that you can’t be empathetic and successful or impactful at the same time.

Only then can we really strengthen the connections that are needed to build community.

We have a mental health crisis in our culture. We are dealing with a loneliness epidemic, toxic masculinity, and oppressive systems that only make room for a few while hurting the many. Society could not be flying a large enough banner across the sky to tell us we need to change something. We need to embrace empathy again.

The Dalai Lama got it. Smart, successful leaders I speak to all the time get it. So I invite you to be part of turning the tide – speak out, and model empathy and compassion whether you’re with your kids, on social media, stuck in traffic, or, yes, at a budget meeting at work.

For further reading: 

3 Observations About Compassion from the Dalai Lama

How Purpose Leads to Company Success

Empathy for Others Starts with Empathy for Yourself 

Photo Credit: Becca Henry Photography

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Scary Leaders…or Scared Leaders?

Posted on by Red Slice

Woooooooo! Halloween is just around the corner and decorations are already up in our neighborhood. Not our house yet, mind you – we’re still settling into the new place. But this neighborhood takes its Halloween very seriously, which will be awesome for my son.

The ghouls, goblins and…. Gladiators (?) – my son’s chosen costume this year – will be out in full force, as will the spooky music, haunted houses, chills, and thrills.

We humans have this weird desire to scare ourselves for fun!

But fear and horror in the workplace is less desirable. And nothing can strike more fear into our hearts than…Dun Dun DUUUUUUNNNNN! Scary bosses!

I truly believe that most scary or ineffective leaders have no self-awareness about how poorly they come across and how much psychological torture they induce. Unless they are sadists, of course. And that’s because their negative behavior is almost always a result of their own fears.

Fear of losing control.

Fear of looking stupid.

Fear of failure.

Imposter syndrome

Fear of letting anyone see the real person inside. 

A former white nationalist turned speaker and anti-hate activist Arno Michaelis, who wrote the book My Life After Hate, and whose story I recently got a chance to learn and was so moved by, I’ve invited him on to the podcast, reminded me of the familiar adage: 

Hurt People Hurt People.

And that is never more true that for bad bosses.

They don’t realize that their attempts to look good and maintain control an command are ruining their chances of success. That when they create fear, anxiety, and stress it is anything but beneficial to competition – it actually neutralizes high performance.

Studies sow that when we are under perceived stress, it can cause lower cognitive scores and a faster rate of cognitive decline.  Some studies, like those cited by CNN, show how stress lowers cognitive function. Even after adjusting for many physical risk factors, people with elevated stress levels were 37% more likely to have poor cognition, the researchers found.

We literally can’t think straight when we’re operating under stress of fear. Our executive functions shut down. We can’t engage the parts of our brain that we need in our work when we’re in a constant state of flight, flight, or freeze.

Why on earth would a leader knowingly degrade their biggest assets- their people – in such a blatant way? Successful leaders want their teams to be operating at optimal capacity – to invent, problem solve,  create, innovate, remember important facts. All the things we need our frontal lobe to do!

If they would embrace empathy as a strategic advantage, they would see how their teams engagement, performance, and innovation would increase. They would be able to get the best out of the people they need to do the work! And those people could perform at levels that ultimately, would make the leader look good and advance their own goals.

Fear does not work for the long term. And it certainly doesn’t work for outperforming in challenging markets. 

I would advise any leaders out there who struggle to create strong connections with their teams – or those of you who recognize these bad behaviors in your own leaders to invest in empathy.

Open yourself up to a new way to lead and operate. Or risk falling way behind.  Be vulnerable in your journey to be a more empathetic leader – while still expecting high performance nad holding people accountable. But watch your people rise to the challenge, rather than get crushed under the negativity.

The goal is performance, right? So stop trying to scare the hell out of your people out of some underlying desire for respect or fear of failure. Examine your own emotional triggers and backstory and interrogate yourself with a curious mind. 

Could you find another way to operate, be more effective, and cause less harm?

I bet you could. If you’re willing to walk through that door. I promise, there won’t be some crazed maniac inside waiting to torture you like all the Halloween movies would have us believe. In this movie, I promise that what waits around that dark corner is actually a whole lof light!

Photo credit: Oxsana Melis on Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Brain Injury Recovery: Letting Go of the Past to Accelerate Success

Posted on by Red Slice

September is Brain Aneurysm Awareness Month. And August 4 was my 16 year “annie-versary” (as they call it) of surviving my own near-fatal brain aneurysm.

So many blessing to be thankful for. So many lessons learned.

In my  memoir Rebooting My Brain, I shared that my own worst obstacle was not about my cognitive deficits or any physical limitations. Not even my impaired eyesight at the time. It came from within ME.

My stubbornness in refusing to change and adapt. 

I kept trying to compare myself to the Old Me, to the baseline that existed before. “But before, I could do ….easier, faster, better! I just need to do it like that again!”

Until a very kind occupational therapist challenged me with tough love, saying, “Forget about what you used to do or how you used to be”  She challenged me to face what was  in front of me right now and figure out new strategies to get to my goals..

Once I stopped clinging to the past and embraced what was now in front of me, I found new ways to achieve my goals  – and I thrived. My progress accelerated.

And this is exactly what I’m seeing leaders doing now, in our post-pandemic workplaces. Leaders refusing to adapt. Leaders clinging to outdate models. Leaders return to what they know out of fear.

What does that look like? 

  • Demanding 5 days a week back in the office
  • Refusing to keep some of the flexibility they offered during the Pandemic
  • Cutting DEIB programs and budgets

And you can probably fill in more examples you’ve seen.

My empathy speaker work is about helping leadering understand how to adapt to the new paradigms of leadership and workplace culture. Once they do, their progress and success will accelerate,  just as it did for me!

However, here’s the plot twist:

Employees, you have agency, too. 

If you are lucky enough to have a leadership team who understands the benefits they get from offering flexibility and a more human-centered workplace,  great. But if you are not, YOU STILL GET TO MAKE A CHOICE. You deal with the new reality before you.

Stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – or culture, if you will.

If your organization’s business decisions no longer align with your values or lifestyle, you get to make a decision to adapt. 

The company is showing you who they are. They are allowed to do business however they see fit. Yes, even if it’s short-sighted, limiting, and will hurt them competitively in the long run. 

BU they are not required to change for you. A human-centered workplace does not equal a YOU-centered workplace, unfortunately. The company also has a responsibility to all its employees and customers to run sustainable, with governance and compliance as they see fit. 

So the choice is yours: 

Despite your best efforts to create change where you are, will you continue to defiantly cling to the flexibilities you used to have during the Pandemic. Or will you adapt to the reality before you and chart a new path? Find a new company or role that better aligns with your values and needs?

Once you do, your progress and success will accelerate.

PS, Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that not every worker has the luxury of just leaving an inflexible environment and finding a new job. But if you are able to in your industry or career, it may be time to adapt and move on in order to thrive.

Photo credit: Ankush Minda on Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

What Empathy is and What it is Not

Posted on by Red Slice

We all agree empathy is a good idea. But not truly understanding what empathy is and what it isn’t gets in our way and causes more harm, burnout, and disconnection.

Empathy is NOT:

  • Being nice
  • Giving in
  • People pleasing
  • Making everybody happy
  • Avoiding hard truths to ensure comfort
  • Unanimous consensus (or satisfaction)
  • Hiding information
  • Doing someone’s work for them

Empathy is:

  • Listening
  • Getting curious
  • Knowing your triggers, strengths, and blindspots (and those of your team!)
  • Take a beat
  • Making space and time
  • Enabling everyone to have a voice as input (even if you make the final call)
  • Transparency in decisions, especially the tough ones
  • Letting go of ego or righteous indignation to see another’s point of view
  • Knowing that good ideas come from anywhere
  • Admitting when we don’t know the answer – and rallying others to bring their ideas forth
  • Having the tough conversation as soon as possible, with grace and respect
  • Making clear decisions…AND
  • …not being afraid to course correct if you’re proven wrong or get new information
  • Seeing the whole person, both inside and outside of work
  • Meeting people where they are
  • Creating moments of joy and levity, even when the work is hard

Empathy is not doing FOR. It’s being WITH.

How does empathy show up in your team or organization?

Photo credit: Desola Lanre-Ologun on Unsplash