Living Without Regret

LiveWithHeartMomWhen it comes to the end of your life, will you look back with regret or gratitude?

Unlike other tasks you may be able to put off, the thing about regret is that you kind of have to plan for this question right now. You know, since you’re currently living your life.

Life is not a dress rehearsal, people.

My mom, Elizabeth, passed away on January 30, 2016. She was 85 years old. She died rather suddenly for someone who has been ill for a long time with heart failure. In the end, it was, oddly enough, not her heart issues, but pneumonia and then a hospital infection that turned into sepsis, which sealed her fate.

She passed away surrounded by family and especially her faithful husband of 61 years, my dad. Before she left this world, she knew her four kids were successful, healthy and loved. She knew her grandchildren. And yes, she even got the chance to see my baby boy, the last grandchild. Her life was full of family, friends, travel, and love.

We should all be so lucky.

I think mom’s only true regret was never having had the chance to go to college. When her youngerbrother ditched college to join the Navy, it was not even a realistic notion to use the money for my mom. What did girls need with a college education, thought my Italian immigrant grandparents? Mom even told my brother a story about being scared when, as a young girl, she almost lost some library books, “ I mean, I was petrified. Mom didn’t even think girls needed to be reading in the first place.” Can you imagine?

She married at 24, but mom still worked. She was a legal secretary/office manager for many years before her kids came along later in life and the worked part-time off and on, focused on raising her family.

I always thought my life was so different from hers. Part of that was by design: My mother wanted me to have all the educational opportunities she never had. She wanted me to stand on my own two feet and not have to rely on any man for anything except love.

But when she made sacrifices for me, I don’t think she realized just how different it would make our lives. I was a single girl focused on my career, living in the city for many years. I broke off an engagement in my late twenties and didn’t get married until my early thirties. I moved far away from home. I had adventures (and misadventures) my mom probably never imagined.

I rebelled so much against the traditional path that my mom, deep in her heart, would have liked me to follow. While she wanted me to have all the opportunities, in the end, I believe she wanted me to choose her path simply because she knew how happy it made her. When I didn’t, she wasn’t sure what to make of me. I wanted to follow my passions and I thought she just couldn’t relate. But, boy, was she proud.

Now, I realize how much her life was the lesson I needed all along. I see now that Mom followed her heart. She lived with few regrets. (Tweet)

She may not have blazed career trails or invented things to live her passion. But, that is because those were not her passions. Hers were different and, yes, she pursued them with gusto. She went on an epic cross-country road trip with my dad before they had kids. She enjoyed Caribbean cruises and Canadian casino bus trips. She traveled to Italy several times and kept in constant touch with family there, helping us kids forge relationships between our generation of cousins as well.

She read (voraciously). She went to every social gathering, party and picnic. She led clubs and volunteered at PTA, standing up to the administration on policies that she thought hurt her kids.

She cheered on her favorite football teams. She cooked giant holiday feasts and crowded as much family as would fit around the table.

When she couldn’t have kids after years of trying, she never gave up hope. Then she had my brothers in her late thirties, a ridiculously late age back in 1966. And then me, six years later, at age 42. She hustled. She got me and my older brother into acting as kids and shuttled us all over Manhattan. She knew exactly what we all wanted for Christmas–and I have no doubt shopped for and wrapped most of it herself

She raised a family and gave us a magical childhood of simple pleasures: boisterous holidays, family vacations, a modest summer house in Mastic Beach, Long Island (seriously, NOT The Hamptons!), full of lazy summer afternoons spent reading, feeding swans, swimming, and boating–no camps or video games! And, of course, warm summer nights where fireflies lit up our games of Tag in the backyard.

She moved from NY to Ohio in her early fifties to start a whole new life when my dad’s company relocated us. She nursed both my grandmother and my great-aunt in their ailing old ages until they each passed away.

My mom’s health was deteriorating over the past few years. It was always a tightrope when I returned home from visits there. Would this be the last time? One can never be sure. So it was always, “I love you” before every parting, at the end of every phone call.

I stayed home a little longer than usual this past Christmas, a full week which then got extended due to cancelled flights and bad weather. Maybe the Universe knew?! I made sure she got to watch my little one play in her living room for a few hours. She was not the most talkative or “herself” in recent years but it was enough to be in her presence, making small talk. I gave her an extra big hug and kiss upon leaving, and made sure my one and a half year-old son did the same. “Say ‘I’ll see you soon, Nonnie’,” I encouraged him. She loved hearing him say “Nonnie” in that sweet little baby voice of his.

Did Mom have other regrets? I’ll never know for sure. But in the last few weeks, I’ve realized that her life was one big adventure of enjoying the people and moments that mean the most. A life I always thought so different from mine. And yet…. she followed her own passions just as I want to follow mine. Exactly the kind of life I want as well. One big adventure. Soaking it all in.

No regrets. Just love.

So I ask you: Today, at this moment, are you setting up your life to do the same? Are you launching that business, writing that book, taking that trip, or simply spending time with the people who matter most?And remember, like my Mom, living a life without regret is not about “living hard” or doing crazy, epic things, either, unless that’s truly what calls to your soul.

Are you following the passions close to your own heart or simply living a life others say you should have? Are you measuring your success with someone else’s yardstick?

At the end, when it’s all said and done, no one will care about your course launches or “six-figure business” or book deal or social media followers or marketing to-do list. My mom never had any of those things and she could have cared less. She was just fine.

In the end, are you going to have no regrets, just love?

3 Lessons on Taking a Sabbatical

Blog-LinkedIn-3-lessons-on-sabbaticalIt’s Week 4 of my 3-month break from client work so I can recharge, create and determine my next evolution. If you envision me lying on the coach, eating bon-bons and catching up on past seasons of Scandal, let me correct that falsehood right now:

  • No couch or bon-bons. I’m still Crossfitting, writing articles , connecting, brainstorming, experimenting with some new creative projects and taking a year-long virtual course to amp up my business and create something new. Oh, and there’s the toddler I need to keep alive. Plenty to do.
  • I already caught up on Scandal on my holiday flight home. That show is like candy: so incredibly bad for you, but so delicious, you can’t help myself.

See, I got really burned out last year. I had wonderful clients but new motherhood kicked my ass, and I’m still recovering. Creativity took a back seat to survival and that’s not the way I want to live my life.

What am I learning about taking this break? If you’re itching to do the same but not sure how to go about it, please, grab a latte and sit back, my friend for 3 tips on how to take a creative break (Tweet this!)

  1. Schedule Everything, Even Down Time: When you work for yourself, whether you are actively engaged with customer/clients or not, there is still A LOT to keep up with. Emails, networking, bookkeeping. I could still sit at my laptop for 8 hours a day, while not earning a single cent. Set “work hours” in your calendar, as well as play/thinking/creating hours, just like meetings and stick to them. This includes checking email. While I can easily scan email on my phone at any time just in case Fast Company ever wants to interview me, most things are not urgent and can wait for my designated times. This is a huge relief. But SCHEDULING is key.
  2. Announce your Sabbatical: As I did with all of you, as I did with my network, as I do with everyone I speak to, even potential clients for after I return. The more you clearly set boundaries for others, the less easy it will be for work to “sneak in.” I look at it as “my job” right now to take this time and space, so I honor it just as I would a client commitment. You should honor yourself as your own best client if you’re taking a break as well.
  3. Social Media is Great/Social Media Can Be Poison: While it’s wonderful to stay connected, it’s super hard to take time away when everyone is bragging about their “KICK ASS PLANS FOR 2016!!!!!!!!” in social media. People sport new journals, give you the play by play on their goals, take pictures of their exciting new book launching. It can make you feel like one lazy potato. But stay your course. For me, I have to take this time to rejuvenate my creativity and deliver something wonderful to you (while also feeding my soul) in a few months time. While I am still rolling out my Juicy Guide for Entrepreneurs eBook series (oooohhh…I hope you’ll check them out!), this is a core part of my creative therapy. I really enjoy writing, so taking time to do it is part of why I’m doing this whole “client hiatus” thing! Don’t let wonderful, well-intentioned, super-charged people in your life make you doubt what your mind and soul might really need right now.

Before you think I’ve mastered this whole thing, I’m still figuring out exactly how to truly take a step back and dig deep into my vision for the future…and I have had many missteps. I’ll keep you apprised of things that are working and things that are not.

You need to do what you need to do if you want to be successful and live a full, rich, creative life. No human can keep going, going, going at full volume without burning out. With some planning and focused intention, you can make the space you need to reset, refocus and come back swinging.

Go Get Your Blocks!

StackingBoxes-RedSlice-blogKids teach us the craziest lessons.

My 20-month old son adores playing with these stacking boxes he got from his aunt. Ten colorful boxes adorned with letters, colors, shapes and animals provide endless entertainment. He is just now mastering stacking them from largest to tiniest, but for the most part shrieks in delight when I build a tower for him–only to topple it all down in a fit of giggles.

One day, he was in a particularly ornery mood (days which come more often as he approaches two). He was playing with the “blocks” as I call them (since he can’t quite say “box”) and, per usual, knocked them all down. Huffing in frustration, he sauntered over and scrambled onto the coach to pout.

He then realized he actially DID want to play with the blocks. So he started whining and pointing to them, as if I was his handmaiden and would bring them to his royal highness on his throne.

Mama don’t play that way.

“No, C. If you want your blocks, you have to go get them.”

His response? He cried loudly and, in protest, jammed the square carrying case over his head, looking like a curious little robot. Muffled “harrumphs” emerged from the adorable box-head seated next to me.

You can’t pick your teachable moments.

“Honey, I know you’re frustrated,” I said. “But if you want your blocks, you can go get them–or you can sit there on the coach with your head in a box, kicking and screaming, and get nothing. Your choice.”

He sat fuming for a while, then slyly lifted one corner of the box from above his eye to look at me, grinned and then toddled off the couch to get back to his blocks again.

When you really, really want something–whether to build a business, write a book, speak on stage, act, sing, create, connect–no one will do the work for you, so you have two choices:

If you want your blocks, then GO GET THEM. Or you can sit on the coach with your head in a box, kicking and screaming, and get nothing. Your choice. (Tweet this!)

Photo credit: Maria Ross

What Are Your Profound Epiphanies?

10.27.15RoadNotTaken (blog)

Life is full of what I like to call profound epiphanies. They sneak up on you when you’re in the shower, driving along belting out show tunes in your car, or perhaps while unplugged and enjoying the ocean crashing at your feet.

These epiphanies, I find, often occur when you’re thinking about how your life would have turned out in a parallel universe. If you’d made that choice. If you had not said yes to that date. What are your proverbial forks in the road? For me, the big ones are the many different jobs I’ve had and cities I’ve lived in, breaking off my first engagement and moving to California in 1999. The course of my life and career changed dramatically as a result of all these crucial decisions. And I am blessed and better for it all.

Are you grateful in your life for the road not taken? Perhaps there was a job you really, really wanted that fell through…and it let you to instead work for the company that launched your career. Or you started a business that ended in a bloody epic fail…and you learned all the things not to do so that your next venture was a smashing success.

We all know the trite saying that we learn from our mistakes. I would argue that, really and truly, there are no mistakes. Sure, there are things we regret. Like dating that bad boy who broke our heart, becoming business partners with someone we barely knew, or spending a ridiculous amount of money on a marketing campaign that went no where fast.

But every bad decision, toxic relationship or questionable call moves you further through the book of your life. And you can’t get to Chapter 100 without the other 99 coming first. It would be a different book. You’d be a different person.

What opportunities would you have missed? What joys might you never have known? What careers would you never have explored?

When thinking about your past mistakes and regrets, be gentle with yourself and observe them with gratitude. (Tweet this!)

It’s easy to say, “Well, my life would be a cakewalk if I had only (FILL IN THE BLANK.” But you didn’t. You’re here, now. And look around at what you have. Had all those events not occurred, you would not be the person you are now. Richer. Fuller. Smarter.

I invite you to flip your thinking on your would-have’s and should have’s. What are you grateful you learned? Who or what is wonderful in your life of business now as a result of those decisions? My older brother once told me, during a very bad relationship in my life, that every act or decision is simply a brick and it’s easy to say, “Heck, this is just a brick. I can live with this.” But eventually all those bricks make a wall. And you wonder how the heck you got here. While he meant it in the negative sense of that particular instance, I challenge you to look at it positively…not as a wall, but a road. A road that led you to the person you are now. The person you would never be had those things not happened.

What are your big forks in the road when it comes to your career, business or life? What profound epiphanies do they give you? Please share in the Comments below!

Image credit: Cristian Bortes via Flickr

Two powerful lessons for every new entrepreneur

09.01.15 Entrepreneur (Blog)

A wise mentor sits with a serene smile, staring into the bright eyes of the eager protégée. She wraps her arm around the fresh young person and whispers, “Everything is going to be alright. Here’s all you really need to know…”

I’m going to bet that was not your experience when embarking on entrepreneurship or self-employment. If you’re like me, it felt more like getting shoved into a deep ocean. Some days, the current drifts you to new islands and opportunities. Other days, you flail in the choppy waves, praying for a lifeline. One day, the seas are calm and effortless. The next day, the waves pound you over and over again into the hard sand.

After leaving the safe harbor of a successful corporate life in 2008, I was fortunate enough to find resources and mentors who helped me along my journey. Some drifted in and out like a passing life raft, right when I needed them most. Others joined me on my journey and never left my side: mentors and collaborators whom I treasure for their insights.

These amazing humans – and the many years I’ve now been out on my own – have taught me so much. And by “so much,” I mean answering questions I never knew I should have (“What the heck is “use tax?”) and preparing me for situations I could have never seen coming even with high-powered binoculars (a clear contract doesn’t protect you from a nightmare client who signs it without reading it). It doesn’t matter how many books you read or classes you take. Until you’re in it, there’s so much you don’t even know you don’t know.

And that’s a good thing. Otherwise, most of us wouldn’t do it!

Here are two of the biggest lessons from my entrepreneurial experience thus far. Please note: I have a long way to go and a whole lot more to learn.

But when you get so far down a certain trail, it’s your duty and responsibility to reach your hand back and shepherd those traveling with you. Leave no man or woman behind, I say. (Tweet this!)

Lesson #1: Opportunity favors those who prepare.

While I had a very successful corporate marketing career, I dreamed of doing my own thing and enjoying more flexibility to pursue other passions, like writing and acting. Red Slice started as a personal blog full of whimsical wine, film and cultural musings. It then became a business website I would tinker with on the side as I dreamed, “If I worked for myself, how would I position my services? What message would I want to convey? What brand would I build?” In 2008, when the writing was on the wall and my last tech company laid off the marketing department in prep for a sale, opportunity knocked­–and I was ready. I flipped the switch on that hidden website and Red Slice as a brand consultancy was born.

Lesson #2: Don’t worry about the how so much as the what and why. The how will find you (or you will find it) when the time is right. Just take action and keep moving forward.

The road was not always easy. Maybe you can relate?! I am often still unsure of what the hell I’m doing. But amazingly enough, once you start down the path to what you want and put it out there, all of the sudden an advisor, article, connection or opportunity will magically appear right when you need it most.

  • When I craved more strategy work and less tactical project work and didn’t know how to free up my time to go after it, a friend offered her coaching services to me, leading to my signature offerings still popular today.
  • When I needed a new accountant, a successful entrepreneur recommended hers – and I’ve happily been with that firm ever since.
  • When I desperately needed a fresh creative writer for my client work, a colleague launched a website that week with the most brilliant copy I’d ever read and I immediately contacted the writer she hired, which led to not one, but two fruitful writing partnerships that are the cornerstone of my work.
  • When a publishing agent got interested in my book idea and asked to see a “formal proposal” I had no idea what that was but said “Sure, I’ll send you one!” As if on cue, my good friend told me she happened to enroll in a proposal writing class starting the very next week so I jumped in and joined her.
  • When I was truly overwhelmed by my work and life right after my brain injury, I decided to just take it day by day and start small, by sponsoring a marketing event. At that event, I happened to meet a “stress coach” and started working with her within the month to get myself unstuck and moving forward.
  • When I decided to self-publish my second book and had no idea where to begin, I just started writing it and figured it would all work out. I then remembered a virtual assistant who I had interviewed the year before to help with marketing my first book. She is now my self-publishing angel and handles everything for me.

There are so many more examples I could give you. Somehow, someway, the right people just enter your life at just the right time. Or you read an article that tells you about the exact solution to the challenge you are facing.

Got your own words of wisdom? Please share with us on the Facebook page or Tweet me!

10 Killer Resources to Boost Your Business + Inspire Your Work

8.11.15 - RoundUp (blog)

It’s hard enough to find time in our busy schedules to read all the great posts you can find online, much less consume all that great information. So, this week I thought I’d give you a quick round up of 10 articles from around the web that will wonderfully boost your daily business activities.  Check these out for inspiration, business guidance and a little motivation…and please share to your heart’s content!

20 Smart Ways to Generate More Leads for Your Business
You may already know about some of these existing resources and tools for business development: Now jumpstart your lead generation efforts with a few new tips on how to use them.

More Than Personas: How to Know What Your Audience Really Wants
While I still think creating ideal customer personas is a HUGE help to focusing your marketing efforts and creating a connective brand, this article features other expert examples on how to identify your audience needs.  My faves? “Pull up a digital seat”and “Ask and track.”

The Difference Between Strategy And Tactics And Why You Need To Know
Ah, my favorite, favorite topic! An often mistaken distinction that can make or break your business success  -and your sanity.  I adore Bernadette Jiwa and you will, too. Main message: Stop working backwards.

The 200-Word Guide to Personal Branding
Personal branding requires you to be in the spotlight and you need to be ready. This is a short guide to getting your brand up to par.

Improve Your Email Content With a 7-Minute Workout Routine
A handy infographic that provides a quick “maintenance boost” to your email content and campaigns.

How to Address Marketing’s Big, Nasty and Age-Old Believability Problem
Faced with a world of disbelief, marketers can often get discouraged that they are not making headway. This article features some provocative FAQ’s on the subject and how you can address them.

Buffer Stopped Posting for 30 Days and Here’s What Happened
This is a great read to solidify thoughts on content re-purposing and taking some time to create.

How To Be Creative When Your Brain Doesn’t Want To Play
Addressing writers block with a little creativity instead.

And these 5 bonus ones from yours truly. Enjoy!

Get inspired! 20 of the best branding + business quotes

No matter your focus, I gathered some of my favorite business quotes to inspire you through the challenges.

The Not-So-Secret to Brand Success

It’s probably on your mind after all the inspirational posts you’ve just combed through, but this not-so-secret that I shared last year is still very relevant.

How to Define Your Audience and Boost Your Brand as a Writer MASH Stories, a blog for young writers worldwide interviewed me on this hot topic.

Here’s a piece I wrote for Online Super ninja called 4 Tips to Making Your Message Sexy (ooh la la!)

And a lovely shout out from One Woman Shop, where Red Slice was named one of the 100 best sites for solopreneurs. Honored to be in such company!

Which article is resonating the most or causing an “A Ha!” moment for you? Would love to know in the comments below!

4 Ways to Shift Your Brain & Get Fresh New Ideas

7.21.15 Fresh New Ideas (Blog)

Apple challenged us many years ago to “Think Different.” But are you stuck in a mindset rut? Sometimes this can happen when we focus solely on our role, business or even industry.

You’re networking with people who do what you do. You go to the same places. You read the same books. You’re looking at what everyone else in your industry is doing – and it all looks the same. It’s no surprise that when you surround yourself with sameness, you’ll naturally fall into a creative void.

But there’s a way to shake things up.

Change your habits, experience new things & watch the ideas flow. (Tweet this!)

For many years, I was a management consultant, working with Fortune 500 companies. Then I worked as a consumer-focused Marketing Manager for Discovery Networks. Then I became an Account Manager for an ad agency, and finally did an 8-year tour of duty in the dot.com and Silicon Valley tech scene before launching my business.

Bouncing from process design to event planning, from B2C to B2B, from communication planning to PR, from agency to client …these experiences ended up creating my biggest secret weapons. I see the whole picture. I connect dots and articulate themes that others can’t see. I can now take the best of what I’ve seen in one industry or business model and apply it to another to turn things upside down. The humor and fun I learned while marketing consumer networks like Animal Planet and The Discovery Channel? I applied that kind of human voice and vibe to B2B tech marketing to great success. The sales process and lead generation best practices I honed as a technology Marketing Director? My smallest entrepreneurial clients love that insight to not only build their brand, but to structure their pipeline and business development.

Even being an actress has added dimension to my current work. I’m able to tell stories, evoke emotion and create drama for my clients’ brand strategies and messaging. And of course, that skill enables me to light up a conference stage and delight an audience.

If you’re bored with your approach, tired of how “we’ve always done things around here” and new ideas just aren’t coming to you, sounds like you need to shake things up. Here are 4 ways you can shift your thinking and generate creative business ideas – not to mention contribute to your mental well-being:

Ditch the bedside business books: When my nightstand is piled high with business or management books, I find I’m less creative and imaginative. Not that they don’t have their place for learning important strategies (ahem…I know of a really good one on how to build your brand.), but try something completely different. Light up sleepy parts of your brain, perhaps with a memoir, historical non-fiction, dramatic fiction, moody detective novels…hell, even a juicy romance novel.* Point is, you’ve got to exercise all parts of your brain and imagination in order to come up with fresh ideas. And movies count, too: You may just find your next brilliant business tip or sexy new marketing promotion from a spy thriller.

Immerse yourself in the arts: In 2013, I took a 5 week sabbatical to attend an exclusive acting intensive through San Francisco’s famed America Conservatory Theater. From 9 am to 6 pm – and even later at times – I sat on the floor and took notes from acting masters (on real paper!). Created art with my body during movement classes. Tapped into the raw, true voice that emanates from my gut, not my head. Let go of self-consciousness during improv. Tested my strength and agility in combat fighting. When I returned to work, I was exhilarated and approached my clients’ work with fresh eyes. Creativity poured out of me and I never felt more alive. Being in plays or doing short films has the same effect for me: I am surrounded by people who think, act and express in ways that folks in my “regular” works never would and it energizes me. Instead of going to your next networking event, go see a play with a friend. Make a date to wander around your local art gallery on a Sunday afternoon. Take an improv class. Sign up for a pottery workshop. Flex your artsy muscle and expose yourself to a radically different world outside of your “business box.”

For the love of Pete…UNPLUG!: Guilty. I admit it. I’m never without my phone within 1 foot of my body and panic if I can’t find it. My husband says my tombstone epitaph should be, “Where’s my phone?” because I ask it about 100 times a day. But seriously, guys. It’s time for a Digital Detox. Let’s stop crossing the street glued to our phones. Let’s step away from the laptop for a day (a week, a month…) Look up. Open your eyes. Connect to others around you at the coffee shop or grocery store. When was the last time you people-watched at the airport and invented fun back-stories for the strangers who pass by? Do you want to get new ideas? Then you have to experience life, connection and reality. Start with one afternoon you designate as “tech-free” and see where it takes you.

Move your body: My good friend, Melody Biringer, Founder and CEO of CRAVE and a serial entrepreneur, swears by “business meeting walks.” This was one of my favorite ways to connect with her. Walking miles, we’d work out business challenges and come up with brilliant new ideas. I always had a fresh perspective on my work after our walks together. Go for a hike. Take your dog for a walk. Swim, Bike. Dance. Do yoga. When you move your body, you give you mind the break it needs to generate new ideas later. I make time every week to go to Crossfit and spend mental energy focused on my strength and agility. Start with a 15-minute mid-morning walk every day, regardless of where you work (I’m sure you can walk the halls or around the parking lot if it’s not the nicest setting). Shut the door on the boring conference room and take your next one-on-one meeting on the road as a stroll in the park or downtown.

What about you? What shakes up your thinking and enables you to come up with fresh new ideas for your business? Please share in the Comments. Or let us know which one of these tips you’re going to follow ASAP!

*In full disclosure, some links may be Amazon affiliate links where commissions are paid. But that’s a win-win if you decide to check out these great reads!
Image Credit: Wilerson S Andrade via Flickr

How Starting With No Gets You to Yes

Start with No (blog)

I’ve got a confession to make. The past few months have been full of angst for me over a simple and tired question you’ve most likely faced yourself:

What do I want to do when I grow up?

Now, I realize this is ridiculous coming from a 40-something wife, mother and business owner who seems to have it all locked down. I mean, seriously, shouldn’t I be all grown up by now? Surely publishing books and working with amazing clients should be enough, right? Let’s just coast into retirement.

Except that’s not me. And if you’re reading this, I don’t think it’s you either. While I love it all, I am always looking to the next horizon, challenge, and creative endeavor. Right now, I’m retrenching to figure out what my next book, project and evolution of Red Slice is going to look like. Basically figuring out how I can find my new passion while still serving my audience.

Part of being a changemaker and rockstar is that you never settle. You’re always itching for the next big adventure and passionate about that crazy idea that the world needs.

Whether it’s on a global scale or in your own backyard, passionate people crave “newness.” And with that comes constant evaluation, analysis and action. A churning restlessness to peek around the next corner.

But how do you get to that elusive answer? Especially if you have many different interests, passions and “slices” to what you want to offer.

Here’s a trick:

Start With No.

Sometimes placing parameters around what we don’t want to do, say or be helps us whittle down to the core of what makes us tick. Instead of trying so hard to pick something in the vast whitespace of possibility, box yourself in a little bit and back into the answer.

What don’t you want your business to look like? Which brand do you least want to emulate? What type of clients drain your energy? Which customers are not a good fit for you? What topic do you not want to write about? What product or service do you hate the idea of selling?

When you’re not sure which road to take, pare down your choices by asking which way you don’t want to go. (Tweet this!)

I discovered the value of this many times when trying to decide what to have for dinner. My husband and I often get the bright idea to go out to eat or order in, which inevitably leads to…

“Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know. Where do you want to go?”

We’ve discovered that if we start with what we’re not in the mood for, we’ll land more quickly on what we are in the mood for. We back into the answer.

Next time you’re floundering to make a decision or find your next step, try starting with no.

What decisions have you made by narrowing down what you didn’t want in order to get to what you did want? How could this technique help with your next moves for your business or project? Please share below in the Comments!

Image Credit: Tripp via Flickr

What Happens When You Don’t Match Your Brand

match BLOG

A friend recently passed along this story about branding gone bad. I thought it was so moving it warranted a blog post.

Last year, this friend-of-a-friend found herself sniffling into a kleenex at the first of many therapy sessions, pouring her heart out on topics like identity and authenticity. This, in and of itself, isn’t particularly noteworthy; many of us have found ourselves on a therapist’s couch.

But her friend was in therapy because of her brand.

See, her funny, ballsy, brassy friend spent almost a decade building a demure, buttoned-up brand. For ten years, her products were featured by Martha Stewart and Oprah and sweater set-types bought her pieces in bulk. She’d attend networking events and people would swarm her, asking for advice about breaking into the industry she didn’t even like. Left to her own devices, she’d live in Levis and t-shirts, eating only buffalo wings and beer.

Instead, she felt she needed to wear heels and dresses, drink $13 cocktails and schmooze with wedding planners. She needed to reign in her swearing and act like she cared about manicures.

When I heard this story, I realized many of you may go through this and it is a recipe for disaster. Her company was successful but she was unstable and unhappy. Every single day, she felt like a fraud.

Thankfully, this story has a happy ending. Her friend went through a year of therapy, eventually shuttered her company, and got a 9-to-5 at a creative agency. These days, she’s living the jeans-wearing, wing-eating dream.

This is a real, life and blood example of what can happen if you build a brand that runs counter to who you are.

And it could happen to any of us! We get caught up following business advice that – while solid – just isn’t right for us. Or we work with a super-talented, slightly pushy designer and end up with a gorgeous website that’s perfect … for someone else.

This can also happen if you work for a company whose values and brand image run counter to what you believe, who you are and what you stand for. And if you own the company? This could be happening to employees you’ve hired who were never the right cultural fit to begin with – and that’s when it starts impacting their productivity and work.

So before you find yourself in a pile of tear-filled Kleenexes or on the therapist’s couch, here are four questions to ask yourself as you brand.

These will help you create or work for a brand that’s true to you.(Tweet this!)

When I look at my site, does it feel like me?

Are the colors ones I wear or use in real life? Do my headshots really look like me? Does my copy include words that I use in my daily life?

If you’re not a particularly buttoned up, corporate person, you needn’t convince the internet that you are. And if you’re a sweet, modest person, don’t let your site paint you as a gregarious extravert.

Just because you work in a traditional industry, doesn’t mean you’re traditional and it doesn’t mean your brand needs to be. Laura Simms is a successful career coach who shares photos of her pet rabbit on Instagram. Danielle LaPorte runs a million dollar business while showcasing her tattoos and dropping the F-bomb. We feel like we know, like, and trust these women because they’re showing us who they really are.

Do the people who know me best think it looks and feels like me?

We all suffer from forest-for-the-trees syndrome from time to time. Ask your partner, your best friend, and maybe your mom to take a look at your online space. What do they think? Does it ring true for them? Or are you nearly unrecognizable?

Of course, you should take every opinion with a grain of salt, but if everyone in your life is confused by your blazer-wearing headshot and your jargon-filled Twitter bio, it might be time to reconsider.

Do I really, actually like providing these services?

There’s a lot of wisdom in creating a scaleable business and leading large workshops – but if you’re an introvert, leading a group might feel like an ill-fitting suit. Likewise, if you don’t like big, on-going projects you might not want to have clients on retainer.

It’s possible to like doing something – writing, design, coding, marketing – but not really enjoy the way you’re delivering those services. Think about how you thrive and how you like to arrange your day and then design offerings accordingly.

Do I feel like I can be myself with my clients, on social media, on my blog?

Do you feel like you can talk about your love of wine? Or crossfit? Or share funny photos of your dog? Can you make a Walking Dead reference or drop the occasional curse word? It’s important that you show and tell your clients who you really are. There’s a 99% chance they’ll love you!

Have you ever struggled with a brand/self disconnect? How did you get past it? Tell me how you dealt with it in the comments!

P.S. Need help fine tuning your brand? I can help with that!

photo by =Nahemoth= // cc

How to Understand Your Competitors Without Falling Into a Jealousy Trap

04.07.15 jealousy TWITTER

Stop me if this sounds familiar.

An intelligent, experienced marketing professional gives you the sage advice to keep an eye on what your competitors are doing.

So you do.

You subscribe to their newsletters. You pore over their lush, beautifully written blog posts. You stalk their social media profiles and notice that their followers number is in the tens of thousands. You read all their testimonials and then stalk the people who gave those testimonials.

And instead of feeling inspired and informed, you feel completely, horrifically consumed by jealousy.

How can he get away with charging so much?! Why do her tweets get retweeted so many times? How’d he get 12,000 Facebook fans? I’m doing all the same things … why is she so much more popular than I am?!

(cue minor melt down)

It’s important to know what your competitors are doing. It’s a lot more important to maintain your self-esteem.

With that in mind, here are five things you can do to stay abreast of your competitors without losing your mind or your sense of self. (Tweet this!)

1. Know your strengths and preferences
Maybe your biggest competitor has an amazing Instagram account, filled with photos of her sweet toddler and handsome husband, but you’re super private. Maybe they publish five long, thoughtful posts each week and you’re more of a once-a-week blogger.

Before you check in with your competitors, take a few minutes to remind yourself of what you truly love doing and what you could do without. If you’re loathe to use Pinterest, it doesn’t matter how many Pinterest followers your competitor has, you won’t be using that platform.

2. Build your success backwards
What does success look like for you? Is it attending mid-week matinees because you can? Taking a month off every summer? Paying off your school debt in one fell swoop? A high-ceilinged, light-filled loft in Tribeca? However success looks to you, it’s probably more complex than Instagram followers or numbers of retweets.

When you know what your version of success looks like, you can reverse engineer it. You can work time into your schedule for matinees and summers off. You can save or earn with your school debt in mind. You can check out Tribeca’s rental prices. When you’re taking steps towards your personal version of success, you’re less likely to be threatened by what others are doing.

3. Know that popularity doesn’t always equal profitability
One of my most successful friends didn’t have a website till a few years ago. She ran an incredibly successful consulting business that relied exclusively on word of mouth. And she was raking in a six-figure income with a wait-list that she’d refer out to others.

Likewise, I know a few people with tens of thousands of Instagram followers who are barely scraping by. Or writers with New York Times bestsellers who still work part-time at ad agencies. A person’s numbers – their social media followers, their retweets, their blog comments – don’t tell the whole picture. Not by a long shot.

4. Look at their bigger picture
Some of my favorite bloggers and online personalities have lives that are very, very different from mine – which means their offerings, blog posts, and social media updates will be very different. Marie Forleo is a wildly successful business coach who speaks mostly to women through highly-styled, polished videos she produces each week. Natalie Sisson of The Suitcase Entrepreneur lives life as a global nomad and provides fabulous tools, content and resources for fellow wanderlust-seekers who want to create lifestyle businesses that don’t tie them down. Pioneer Woman lives on a cattle ranch and home schools her four children and her successful blog following has led to her own show on The Food Network. The Glamourai is a ridiculously stylish 20-something fashion blogger who lives in NYC. Joy The Baker is a single, childfree, cat-loving food blogger who makes a home in New Orleans. I love these women; our lives couldn’t be more different.

And because our lives are different, we approach business differently. I’m a new mom; I’m not interested in devoting 60 hours a week to my business. I don’t want to just target women. I have other passions such as acting and writing that I want to build into my work. When you feel the green-eyed monster rearing its head, take a few steps back and consider the bigger picture – both yours and theirs.

5. Follow and research strategically
Checking in on your competitors doesn’t necessarily mean reading their blog daily or noting each and every time they tweet or post a photo. That’s a recipe for anxiety and neurosis.

Instead, set aside a few hours each month to see what a few competitors are up to and then approach this practice as an objective investigation. Less “I’ll never write as well as they do!” and more “I can see they post once a week, every Wednesday and tweet five times a day.”

In fact, next week I’ll be sharing a worksheet to help you objectively check in with your competitors. You’ll emerge with tons of helpful information, self-esteem in tact. Want it sent directly to your inbox? Sign up for my newsletter!

How do you walk the line between information and insecurity? Do you make an effort to see what your competitors are up to? 

P.S. More self-esteem boosting marketing and branding advice here.

photo by Javier Morales // cc