They say “It takes a village.” But how do you build it? For all our technology, tools, and ways to stay “connected,” many of us are feeling more isolated than ever. And that lack of connection is showing up everywhere.
Florence Ann Romano believes the answer isn’t doing more; it’s rebuilding what we’ve lost.
Florence Ann is a highly sought-after keynote speaker and author. Her work has been featured across more than 900 national and local media outlets, including Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, and major network affiliates.
We talk about why you need a village now more than ever and why that village matters just as much at work as it does in our personal lives. Florence Ann shares why people are struggling to create meaningful connections, how loneliness quietly undermines performance and mental health, and why rebuilding community is foundational to growth.
We dive into what actually makes a village work, including the six types of villagers needed for a fully functioning, supportive community. We also explore the reciprocal nature of connection: how supporting others enriches your own life, and how a true village becomes a network of mutual growth, trust, and purpose.
If you’re looking for a reset that centers humanity, collaboration, and belonging, this conversation is a powerful place to start.
To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.
Listen in for…
- Why both men and women are struggling to make meaningful connections.
- What it takes to make a village work properly.
- The six types of villagers needed for a functional community.
- Why you should bring your authentic self to work to strengthen your leadership and build a stronger work village.
“If you are feeling this isolation, maybe you need to lean in to those relationships that you do have at work – that could be a place that could deepen or strengthen and feel like you’re not reinventing the wheel.” — Florence Ann Romano
Episode References:
- Prentis Hemphill quote
- Book: Women Holding Things by Maira Kalman
The Empathy Edge podcast:
- Jamie Greenwood: Why Empathy for Others Starts with Compassion for Yourself
- Shasta Nelson: Why Successful Leaders Encourage Work Friendships
- Claude Silver: Be Yourself at Work for the Ultimate Leadership Advantage
About Florence Ann Romano, Speaker and Author of Build Your Own Village:
Florence Ann Romano is a highly sought-after keynote speaker and author, known for her ability to cultivate meaningful connections. She is passionate about helping others create their own community to be seen, heard, and understood. As an acclaimed author, Florence Ann’s insights are captured in her book, Build Your Village: A Guide to Finding Joy and Community in Every Stage of Life (Beyond Words), which has been celebrated as a top 10 in its category. Her expertise and charismatic delivery have earned her features across over 900 national and local esteemed media outlets across the country, including SHERRI, ABC/CBS/ NBC and FOX TV affiliates, Home & Family, Forbes Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, and more. She is also currently a regular expert on over 10 various national TV affiliates across the U.S.
Connect with Florence Ann Romano:
Website: https://florenceann.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FlorenceARomano/
Instagram: http://instagram.com/florenceann.romano
Build Your Village: A Guide to Finding Joy and Community in Every Stage of Life: https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/158270886X
Connect with Maria:
Get Maria’s books: Red-Slice.com/books
Hire Maria to speak: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross
Take the LinkedIn Learning Courses! Leading with Empathy and Balancing Empathy, Accountability, and Results as a Leader
LinkedIn: Maria Ross
Instagram: @redslicemaria
Facebook: Red Slice
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Maria Ross 00:04
Welcome to the Empathy Edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator, and empathy advocate, and here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business. They say it takes a village, but how do you build it? For all our technology, tools, and ways to stay connected, many of us are feeling more isolated than ever, and that lack of connection is showing up everywhere in our work, our leadership, and our well-being. My guest today, Florence Ann Romano, believes the answer isn’t doing more; it’s rebuilding what we’ve lost. Florence Ann is a highly sought-after keynote speaker and the author of *Build Your Village* a guide to finding joy and community in every stage of life, that explores how we create communities where we can truly be seen, heard, and understood. Her work has been featured across more than 900 national and local media outlets, including Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, and major network affiliates. And she’s a regular expert on TV screens across the U.S. In this conversation, we talk about why you need a village now more than ever, and why that village matters just as much at work as it does in our personal lives. Florence Ann shares why both men and women are struggling with meaningful connection, how loneliness quietly undermines performance and mental health, and why rebuilding community is foundational to growth. We dive into what actually makes a village work, including the six types of villagers needed for a fully functioning, supportive community, and why bringing your full self into your workplace village makes you a stronger leader. When we hide who we are, we don’t just shortchange ourselves; we deprive the village of a role it needs. We also explore the reciprocal nature of connection, how supporting others enriches your own life, and how a true village becomes a network of mutual growth, trust, and purpose. Yes, even at work. If you’re looking for a reset that centers humanity, collaboration, and belonging, this conversation is a powerful place to start. Take a listen, Florence Ann Romano. Welcome to the Empathy Edge podcast. I am so excited to dig into this topic of building your village, whether it’s at work, whether it’s in your personal life. This is going to be such a fun conversation. Thank you for joining the show. Oh,
Florence Ann Romano 02:59
thank you for having me. I’m already having a great time with you. We’ve just begun.
Maria Ross 03:03
Yeah, we’re doing our pre-recording and we’re just jibber jabbering. I love it. So tell us before we get into the good stuff and we get into your book called Build Your Village. Tell us your story about how did you get into this work of village building? What’s your background?
Florence Ann Romano 03:18
It’s quite a winding path. So I’ll tell it quickly. But for 15 years before I did any of this, I was a nanny, and I nannied for many different families for a long time. And I what I saw during that was really the first of my curiosity about people, about families, about the dynamics of families, what happens behind closed doors, within those walls, and I was observing quite a bit, and it was a beautiful time in my life. But I always say, like the Mary Poppins line, “I stay until the wind changes. And the wind changed, and I retired from being a nanny and started a digital content business that I ran for many years. And at the same time that I was running that business, I decided to write a children’s book called “Nanny and Me” based on all my experiences as a nanny to help families in America understand that support is needed, and that at this time it was over 65% of families in America had a nanny or a caretaker in their life, and so I wanted there to be a tool for parents to use to explain to their children about the transition in their family. So I did that, and then I started doing a lot of media about childcare in the millennium and what that looked like. And as I did that, I started doing more case studies about what it looked like to be a family in America and what made families go and chug along, and then COVID hit a few years later, and I saw what it looked like for families to lose their support systems in just a blink of an eye, and it was during COVID that I decided, after going into all these chat rooms and hearing. Friends and families all say the same thing over and over again to me. Where is this village that everyone talks about? Everyone talks about this, but like I don’t understand how to get there. Do they just show up at your front door with like a casserole ready to help you raise your children? Like where are these people? Yeah. And so I thought, well, it’s time then to write down some directions, a roadmap to it, and so that’s what led me to write Build Your Village and creating archetypes that you identify with, and that roadmap. And so now I’ve become a speaker and now a two-time author on the subject matter of really connection.
Maria Ross 05:36
Yes, yeah, and that’s why you know this is why it’s so great that you’re here because we’re not necessarily going to talk about you know parenting villages, but we’re going to talk about this concept of creating a village out of your team at work and the people that you work with, the people that you spend the bulk of your time with.
Florence Ann Romano 05:52
Right,
Maria Ross 05:52
like it or not, they are your village, and so what what are the components we need in that? How do we create that that village, and how do we boost collaboration and cohesion. So I just want to talk about the moment that we’re in in the world. Sure, and you know I speak a lot with leaders who I’m trying to galvanize them to create their village so they don’t feel so alone in leadership right now because they’re juggling a lot and we’re finally realizing that our employees are humans. They don’t leave. They don’t park their humanity at the office door when they come to work. And so there’s a lot of shift and change in the culture of work, and what it means to lead a group of people, and why caring and compassion and empathy are actually strategic advantages to that. So in that context, from where you sit and the speaking that you do and the people that you talk to, why do you think we need a village now more than ever?
Florence Ann Romano 06:50
Well, there’s a do
Maria Ross 06:51
for us.
Florence Ann Romano 06:51
Well, I love that you’re putting it in the context of work because that’s there’s a common denominator here when it comes to community and when it comes to village. You’re going to find it in all different capacities of your life, and in 2021, you may be familiar with this. They coined the phrase “the friendship recession, and I always talk about the friendship recession, but also linked with this loneliness epidemic that we have in our country, the mental health crisis that we have in our country, and this isn’t something that’s necessarily going away. And the irony about this community work that we’re talking about when it comes to business and when it comes to the workplace, is you’re constantly surrounded by people. You have meetings, you have Zoom calls, tech check-ins, whatever it might be, but it’s kind of a crowded loneliness. It’s this feeling of isolation despite being surrounded. And the truth is, 12% of Americans today report having no close friends at all, and that’s quadrupled since the 90s. And it’s even starker for men. Men will tell you that one in five single men will have no close friends at all, and the impact this has on business is real. Productivity changes, error rates go up by 50% Higher turnover. Mental health challenges lead to businesses having losses of over 200 billion in productivity and healthcare. So this is not something that is just isolated to the mom that’s living next door to you who feels that she’s having a hard time making friends. This translates to business,
Maria Ross 08:22
absolutely. And I’m smiling as you talk about friendship because a friend of mine who is a friendship expert, Shasta Nelson, who’s written several books, has been a guest on the podcast and talked a lot about the loneliness epidemic, but also talked about the power of friendship in the workplace and the data and the research around the fact that if you have a friend at work, not everybody has to be your best friend, but if you have a friend at work, what that does for the business’s productivity, innovation, what it does for retention, all of the things, right? So I’m going to put a link to her episode in the show notes for my listeners who might remember her being on the show. But I think that’s what’s so important about realizing the culture of work has changed, and that for some people, that is where we get our social circle as well, right? I remember, you know, coming out of college, and to this day, my best friends are the ones that I met in my jobs.
Florence Ann Romano 09:19
Yes, right. Yes, you
Maria Ross 09:21
weren’t necessarily friends with your neighbor, or you know, and we could have a whole other discussion about whether that’s good or bad. But that is kind of the social source for a lot of people.
Florence Ann Romano 09:31
It
Maria Ross 09:32
is. And what do you think about people who are like, well, I still want to keep
Maria Ross 09:36
work, work, and my personal life separate? Like, what is it that you have to offer them of maybe making themselves a little bit more vulnerable and trying to look at their workplace like a village.
Florence Ann Romano 09:48
Oftentimes, I think we forget that if you are in a nine to five job specifically, you’re probably spending more time with those counterparts than you are the people on the outside of those walls or even in your home. So those relationships might be deeper than you think they are. Maybe that’s an epiphany moment for you right now as we have this discussion. Don’t discount it. Don’t devalue the fact that those relationships are your low-hanging fruit right now in your life. And if you are feeling this isolation, maybe you need to lean in to those relationships that you do have at work that could be a place that could deepen or strengthen and feel like you’re not reinventing the wheel. But sometimes it’s we overcomplicate simple things, and this might be a simple solve for you.
Maria Ross 10:32
Right, right. I love that sort of mindset shift of you know think about how you show up at work and think about if you’re putting a wall up, maybe because you think those worlds need to be separate. When
Florence Ann Romano 10:44
right,
Maria Ross 10:44
if the pandemic taught us anything, yeah, those lines blur.
Florence Ann Romano 10:48
They do.
Maria Ross 10:48
Can you talk about what makes a village? So when we talk about community, it’s not just a bunch of people in the same place.
Florence Ann Romano 10:57
No, it’s not. It’s intentional. That you’ll find that’s one of my very favorite words to use is intentional because shouldn’t anything we do in life be intentional? And friendship building is that. You know, in my book, I do talk about the different capacities of relationships. Some people are in that primary village for you; others are in that secondary village. A primary village example-that’s your best friend, that’s your ride or die, your go to a secondary villager, maybe. And this people laugh every time I say it, but I’m going to say it because I stand by it. It might be the barista you see every single day when you go get your coffee, right? Your
Maria Ross 11:31
percent,
Florence Ann Romano 11:32
Maria. Do you right? You know about their lives, their children, a trip they just took, an illness they just had, or moms, you know, recovering from a knee replacement surgery. How’s she doing? I mean, it’s funny. I mean, but it’s so true. And maybe it’s because we’re Italian, also too, Maria. Yeah, that you know, we kind of get in there and ask a lot of questions. And I’m, you know, I don’t know. All of a sudden, I walk away from a conversation with someone. I’m like, why do I know all the information that I know? My 11
Maria Ross 11:55
year old’s like, Mom, why do you have to talk to everybody?
Florence Ann Romano 11:58
It’s in my blood. I guess is what I do. I yeah, I play better
Maria Ross 12:02
like to make those connections. So I completely agree with that assessment of it’s those people that and you know there’s that that expression or that saying about you know people come into you your life for a reason a season or whatever it is right right yeah right or a lifetime and Shasta talks about these circles of friendships as well that right in your your moment, your snapshot in time, your workplace is your community. Is your and maybe 10 years from now you might only talk to one of those people, if that
Maria Ross 12:32
you don’t know. But for this moment in time, you are in each other’s lives.
Florence Ann Romano 12:36
But what’s also important about that, Maria, too, is I think people believe, or they get themselves into a loop of thinking that needs to be reframed, is that if a relationship only lasts for a season, if it’s while you’re in work for those amount of years or at that company, whatever it might be, that if that relationship fizzles out or ends in some way, that it no longer is valuable to you, or that in some way you have to condemn it or resent it. And we have to learn that we can grieve relationships that end. Of course, we can friendships that end. It’s the same as a loss in any way that you would experience in life. But instead of looking back on it and thinking, man, that didn’t last. I failed at that. It was no, that was satiating for the time that I needed it. Because the truth is, when you look in your life at the seasons of friendships that you have, think about a season of crisis, maybe that you’re in, a death of a loved one, a divorce. You’ve relocated to a brand new city and know not a soul, these are moments of transition, and the people that you have around you during that moment of crisis may not be a through line for you in life. You have to look at that the same way you would in the workplace, and that does again not mean you devalue it or resent it. You celebrate it and move on to the next season.
Maria Ross 14:02
I love it. So, can you explain the difference for people of the village versus just people that are around you? What’s what’s the magic that makes it a village or makes it a community?
Florence Ann Romano 14:14
I love that you ask about what’s that that magic, and that’s really honestly why I wanted to write my book. And I created six archetypes of villagers in my book, and I wanted people who are like me, visual learners, to be able to look at these six people and think, okay, who do I have in my life right now that fits into these categories? And so we can talk about it more in depth, but I’m going to quickly let’s go through all of them. Yeah. Okay, let’s go through all of them. So the six I’m going to say first and then we can go through definitions. But it’s accepting, dependable, cheerleader, communicator, organizer, and healer. And I say it first all six like that and fast like that, especially when I do an interview where I can see the person and Maria, I can see your beautiful face, and I love it because I can. See you already without me defining any of these people by context clues. You’re starting to just automatically put people in those categories. Oh, that’s Susie. That’s Bill. That’s
Maria Ross 15:09
completely right.
Florence Ann Romano 15:10
And that’s what I want you to do. That’s what this is. It’s like casting a movie or a play. That is what this is. This village. These are your main characters. And so let’s start with accepting. I talked a little about this in the beginning. This accepting villager is the non-judgmental one. This is the first person you usually cast. This is someone that you confide in. You talk about your problems to. You confess a secret. Now let me make one caveat to this. I’m not saying you only need one of all these people, you could have five accepting six healers, this or that. You could also maybe say, I only have four out of the six archetypes right now in my life, and I’m okay. That’s fine. That doesn’t mean you’re not a fully functional person or don’t have a fully functional village. So just a caveat there. So organizer, this is the person that is your. Well, actually, let me go back before I get to the organizer. Dependable is another is the one I really want to start with. Dependable is the emergency contact, and I laugh because I always say this is the person that actually answers their phone because I don’t think anyone does that anymore except me. And Maria, I’m telling you, I am not even exaggerating. I am right now probably the emergency contact for 17 different schools for my friends, and so I’m constantly picking up my phone because I’m worried some kids in like anaphylactic shock somewhere, and I have to go pick them up from school. So I answer all these spam calls all the time. That’s crazy. So that’s your dependable villager, and then the cheerleader. And I know everyone thinks rah rah rah. Okay, that’s cute, yes, but it’s deeper than that. This is someone who inspires you. This is someone that you’re going to go to when you’re making a life change, like I talked about, moving to a new city. This is a moment of transition person.
Maria Ross 16:48
Yeah, this is the person you share the crazy idea with. Yeah, like yes, do it. Yes, yes, you
Florence Ann Romano 16:54
need that person in your life for sure. You know, the one that doesn’t does not say no too often, and then the communicator. This person has your best interest in mind. They’re curious and even tempered and capable of seeing other perspectives. That is hard these days for people. So I love to put an emphasis on that. Capable of seeing other perspectives. Let yourself swim in that empathy
Maria Ross 17:18
right there. Right. Yeah. Right.
Florence Ann Romano 17:19
Exactly. Absolutely. That’s exactly it. And no matter the situation, this person is not going to turn up the heat on the stove. They’re going to put the lid on it, and that’s the visual I like to give. The organizer.
Maria Ross 17:31
Yes.
Florence Ann Romano 17:31
This is going to be who you delegate to, but not just delegate. You know that you’re going to have peace of mind in being able to delegate to them. It’s not. Oh, I don’t know if I trust that person. This is someone. Pardon me. Someone who has proven that. I always like to say decluttering both your home and your mind, and then the healer. I never have a favorite villager. People ask me that all the time. If there’s an archetype I love the most, I do not have a favorite, but there is one that I think comes up more in my life, and that’s the healer, and the healer is the person that walks next to you through whatever the it is in your life. And a very important disclaimer: this is not a person that is meant to fix you or fix your situation. Do not put that on them. That is not fair. They are your consciously compassionate north star, and that is a very important role in your life. And what I also like about this work is, yes, I’m asking you to cast these people, but this is reciprocal work. I’m asking you to also think about how you show up in other people’s villages. Who are you to others? This work cannot just be about me, me, me, greedy, greedy, greedy, grabby, grabby, grabby. This is about a give and take.
Maria Ross 18:47
So two questions come to mind. First of all, this is amazing. Three questions. One is the organizer the person that’s always like, also literally organizing the hikes, organizing like I need that person because I don’t plan things. But there’s another person in my life who’s the like? Hey, I booked the thing. Yes, just show up, buy your ticket. Like that is
Florence Ann Romano 19:05
that person. It’s as they say now, very popular. This is the person that makes the plans happen out of the group chat. Like that’s this person. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Maria Ross 19:14
My second question is, how is the accepting different from the healer? Because I see both. I see empathy in both of those roles, especially the words that you used about walking beside you, right? How is that different in your mind from the accepting role?
Florence Ann Romano 19:28
This is a beautiful question because I do think both is laced in empathy. I would say that with the accepting villager, they’re not there to judge you certainly, and you confide in them, but the healer specifically is someone that is making you feel held, making you feel
Maria Ross 19:47
better connection. Yeah, yeah.
Florence Ann Romano 19:48
I think it’s deeper than that. And accepting villager, even though they’re not judging you, they may not have the right hands to hold you, and maybe you need a softer touch, and the healer brings that. And the non-judgmental person is still someone you need to tell you the truth, but the delivery is not what you need.
Maria Ross 20:07
Okay. First of all, this is amazing, and I’m sure I feel like I already know the answer to this question. Can you play a different role depending on the community or the village you’re in? Right. In one village, can you be the healer, and in another village, you’re the organizer. Let’s say yes,
Florence Ann Romano 20:22
okay, yes. I played this game actually with a bunch of friends when my my book first came out, and I said, okay, we’re all gonna, you know, we’re gonna get each other’s villagers. We’re gonna do all of this. We’re gonna people do this in book clubs with my book all the time too, which is so fun to hear. But we’re all sitting there, and I said, okay, I’m gonna turn it on me now. All of you tell me who I am to you, and I was someone different to each of them, and I loved that. That was a view into my life, who I am, how I show up for different people in such an interesting way, and also it brought about a lot of honest, vulnerable conversations because one friend said to me, “This is what I could use more of from you. Wow! And I and she was honest about that, and I loved it. It rocked me hearing that, and I felt, of course, like guilty. She was like, “I just, you know, would like to hear from you more. If you could just call me a little more, just shoot me a text once in a while, I just-that’s all I need. I that really is that’s it. I just love that she could articulate that to me, and because we talked about the villagers and the different definitions of those, it forced us all to look at what we do well, but also where we can improve as friends.
Maria Ross 21:35
Well, and also she didn’t have to say that out of the blue, right? To express her need, you gave her a catalytic conversation to say, this is actually this is the role you’re playing, but here’s what I need more of. Now I want to think about this. I have so many thoughts in my head right now because this is something I actually want to bring into potentially my leadership workshops with teams. When we’re thinking about a workplace team, do you believe that these archetypes exist within a high functioning team.
Florence Ann Romano 22:01
I like that you use high functioning as I don’t know that they wouldn’t be dysfunctional
Maria Ross 22:06
team.
Florence Ann Romano 22:06
Yes, no, right. In a high dysfunctional team, no. I think there’s problems in your personal life that are probably permeating the the workplace there. But in a high functioning team, yes. But I think that where you have to be careful, and I suppose I want to clarify: is depending on the culture of the business that you’re in, these archetypes could work. These archetypes could translate. But if you’re not working for or running a company that is making an environment that culture at large, right? A culture that this is this is appropriate or welcome, then it’s not going to work.
Maria Ross 22:43
Well, this is so interesting because I just interviewed Claude Silver, who wrote the book “Be Yourself at Work, and we talked about this idea of psychological safety and being who you really are, and bringing that to work, and not pretending to be someone else because you think that’s the definition of success, right? And I’m correlating this to what you’re talking about because you might have natural strengths: being a healer, being a cheerleader, being the organizer,
Florence Ann Romano 23:10
right?
Maria Ross 23:10
But if you’re coming to work and you’re squelching that natural tendency,
Florence Ann Romano 23:15
right?
Maria Ross 23:16
What is that? You’re not actually you’re actually doing a disservice to the team who might need that role, and somebody else can’t pretend to be that role because then they’re doing the same thing you’re doing, right? They’re
Florence Ann Romano 23:27
yes, they’re putting themselves behind
Maria Ross 23:29
a facade. So I love the idea of like the thought experiment for people listening is think of the role you play at work, or the role you should be playing at work because of who you innately are, and how would that transform the team dynamic if you actually brought that into the team structure?
Florence Ann Romano 23:50
Well, I think what you’re asking people to do, Maria, and it’s very smart. And running a business myself in my life, I noticed how this translated even long before I wrote the book. Probably because I ran a business. It led me to also writing this book, but I think you want to also look at the possibility that this is a moment of reflection for you regarding your strengths and how that can translate to the workplace. But I think also when you are in a high-performing environment, you’re not often looking at the humanity behind that, and I always tell people once the new year comes around, I always say, wouldn’t it be wonderful if instead of you saying, “I’m going to join that gym and lose those 10 pounds and do all that, which is fine, you can work on your your physical health. I’m not condemning that, of course, but wouldn’t it be great if instead you said, you know what, for the next 365 days, I’m going to really lean into that healer villager. I’m really going to lean into that dependable villager because I feel that I have those qualities. I feel I have those skills, and I’m going to work on it. And I’m going to allow myself to apply that to different areas of. My life. Apply that to work. Apply that to your personal life, to your friendships, to your your romantic relationships, whatever it might be. I think you’ll start to see if you’re doing this at work that you become a different type of leader. Even if you’re not running the company, I don’t care whether you’re running the company or
Maria Ross 25:17
just your team. Yeah, right. Just
Florence Ann Romano 25:19
your team. Exactly. It’s leadership comes in a lot of different ways, and I think if you work on these things, I think you’ll find your leadership technique change for the better.
Maria Ross 25:30
I love this so much, and let’s talk. You know, you mentioned it briefly, but I want to double click into this idea of reciprocity within the group, right? So it’s all well and good, you know your role that you play, but talk to us a little bit about the reciprocal nature of a village, and when it’s kind of functioning on all cylinders, what does that look like?
Florence Ann Romano 25:52
Well, people often talk about why they’re afraid to do this work, and yes, I understand. I’m asking you to be vulnerable. I’m asking you to be honest, not so comfortable, but let’s get comfortable with being uncomfortable. That’s a lot of life. But why I feel like people don’t want to do this work, and this is going to answer your question in kind of a high level way, is people are afraid of two things in life. They say, at least according to me, public speaking. You and I are clearly not afraid of that, but public speaking most of the time, and then number two, I think it’s asking for help, and it’s kind of tied with number one, I would say. And the reason people don’t want to ask for help is they don’t want to be in debt to someone, and I think they feel like, especially for moms out there, if you feel, especially if you’re a working mom, you feel like, oh man, I keep asking for someone to pick up my kid from dance class or school or this next. I’m running late from this meeting, or I’m traveling for work, and I feel like I’m just the worst friend, and I’m taking advantage of my friendships, and I’m a burden on people, and they’re going to think I’m just a taker, and I don’t want to ask for help because I don’t know when I’m going to be able to repay that debt. That’s dangerous thinking. There’s a big, big difference between being a doormat and people taking advantage of you, and being part of a friendship where you’re looking at it from the perspective of is this a pattern or is this a season right now in my friendship? Sometimes there’s a dangerous pattern that you need to pay attention to, where you are being taken advantage of, your kindness is being taken advantage of, or is this a season, a hard season in a friend’s life where you’re going to carry a little bit more? There’s a beautiful book called “Women Carrying Things, if I’m saying that correctly, and it’s true, women carry a lot of different things, but we all do. But sometimes we do carry a little bit more in a friendship or at work.
Florence Ann Romano 27:40
Again, it’s not forever; it’s temporary. But you need to be able to differentiate again what is a pattern in a season.
Maria Ross 27:48
I love that. I love that. And then also just knowing that at some point, someone in the village will need to rely on you.
Florence Ann Romano 27:55
Yes. Yes.
Maria Ross 27:57
And I think we live in at least in the U.S. I know I have listeners all over, but at least in the U.S. we’re a very individualistic society,
Florence Ann Romano 28:04
right?
Maria Ross 28:04
And we keep score about those kinds of things. But the best relationships, the best interactions at work, at home, in your own neighborhood, is when people are doing things for each other just because they can.
Florence Ann Romano 28:18
Yes,
Maria Ross 28:18
and in some way, shape, or form, that is going to come back to you. Like it doesn’t, it doesn’t mean you’re always going to be the one putting yourself on the line. I mean, you have to have boundaries. You have to have self respect and and all of that. Again, whether it’s at work or in your life. But I think that’s the idea of empathy as well. It’s about it’s there. It’s not finite,
Florence Ann Romano 28:39
right?
Maria Ross 28:39
Right. We don’t need to keep score. Like me sitting down with you in a moment of crisis, you know, whether I’m your boss or I’m your colleague at work, and just listening to you and holding space, it doesn’t mean you quote unquote owe me for that.
Florence Ann Romano 28:55
No, it just
Maria Ross 28:56
actually enhances the relationship, and that benefits. You know, if you want to think about benefit that benefits both of us
Florence Ann Romano 29:03
it does in the long
Maria Ross 29:04
term so we have to sort of get rid of this notion of keeping score and just say how do we want to show up as a work colleague as a leader as a neighbor right
Florence Ann Romano 29:14
absolutely and it it also depends on the people you’re picking in your village it depends on the quality of those people, again, if it’s a season of hardship for that friend, you know eventually it will come back around, and that it’s temporary. But if you’re picking friendships where you’re feeling depleted, unseen, taken advantage of, true, then that’s a person you need to fire from your village. Now this is where it gets sticky.
Maria Ross 29:40
Yeah, if
Florence Ann Romano 29:40
it’s work, you can’t get rid of people at at work necessarily. Maybe eventually they’ll fire themselves, or they’ll be fired, and that problem will be gone. But you don’t have control there the way you do in your personal life. Yeah. So boundaries, like you mentioned, is an important thing to have always. In your life, but especially at work, and I heard a beautiful definition once of boundaries, and I apply it to my life all the time. Someone said boundaries is you actually fighting for the relationship, and I love that because it puts that in a very accessible, doable perspective, and it also makes you realize that that evaluation about that person is worth it enough to you to do that work and to figure out what those boundaries look like. So, fighting for the relationship versus boundaries seeming like a dirty word because it’s not. It’s actually something that’s helping you get something healthier.
Maria Ross 30:43
I was just I did a little Google search while you were talking because I wanted to remember who said this quote. And I, a woman named Jamie Greenwood, who’s a women’s coach and a speaker, she’s amazing. I’ve had her on the show before, so I’ll put a link to her episode. But she has always shared this quote from Prentiss Hempill, which is: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.
Florence Ann Romano 31:06
Oh, love! I have goosebumps. I know, right? Yes, yes. Beautiful. Gosh, some people just really have a gift. They really do when they can come up with that stuff. I know. I know.
Maria Ross 31:16
And yeah, I think that that’s really important. It’s it’s we have to be able to have that discernment of, you know, don’t go to one end of the spectrum of everyone’s taking advantage of me, right? We don’t want to go there. The other end of the spectrum is I let everyone take advantage of me because I’m trying to be empathetic. I’m trying to be kind, right? We have to be able to get to that healthy place in the middle, and that’s where I really think boundaries can help, especially in a village situation.
Florence Ann Romano 31:44
Yeah, people pleasing is a big part of that too, and people have to. And I always say I’m a recovering people pleaser, and I think in work, especially people tend to lean into the people pleasing because you know they feel like there’s a lot of eyes on them. So that’s also a piece of it, you know, to dive into it a different time
Maria Ross 32:01
for sure. Okay, so in the couple minutes we have left, I want to just ask you, what’s your advice or thought experiments for people that are currently in a dysfunctional team at work where trust is lacking, and they are trying to create that village? They want it to actually be more than just a functional work team. They want it to be a village. Where could they start?
Florence Ann Romano 32:25
It’s difficult, I think, in in the work environment, just because you you’re going to again have to be vulnerable. But I I like to say, and this was something I did at work all the time when I’d go to a networking event or you know I’d be with colleagues, I would always ask a lot of questions and put the emphasis on them. You know about their hobbies, their life, their family, and then at the end of that conversation or that or that cocktail hour or whatever it was, people would write me and say, “Oh my gosh, it was so wonderful connecting with you like that. But I feel like we got to talk. We didn’t say anything about yourself. You asked me so much about me, and I’d love to, you know, you know, continue this conversation. That alone for me was all I wanted. I didn’t want to go in, you know, talking about my business necessarily. What can you do for me? It was I want to connect with you on a human level, and maybe you and I will have that chemistry, and that that will lead to trust or a friendship and accessibility, whatever that is. So that is something I would challenge you to do.
Maria Ross 33:26
Is
Florence Ann Romano 33:26
instead of thinking of it as transactional, think about the human connection.
Maria Ross 33:31
Love it, love it, Florence Ann. Thank you so much for your insights today for this great discussion. I want to just make sure everyone knows the name of the book: Build Your Village: A Guide to Finding Joy and Community in Every Stage of Life, and we’ll put a link to the book in the show notes, of course, along with all your other links. But for anyone that’s on the go right now, where’s the best place they can learn more about your work?
Florence Ann Romano 33:54
My name is pretty unique, so easy to throw it in to Google or Instagram or whatever it might be. But Florenciann Romano on Instagram, I connect with everyone. I DM, and if you DM me, I DM you back. And florenceann.com is my website where you can get lots of information, the book, and also dive deeper into the archetypes.
Maria Ross 34:11
Love it! Thank you so much for your time today. It was great to connect.
Florence Ann Romano 34:14
Thank you. You too. Thank you. Thank you. My pleasure.
Maria Ross 34:16
And thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the Empathy Edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Please rate, review, and share it with a friend or a colleague. And until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind. For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit theempathyedge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources, book me for a keynote or workshop, and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news, and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red Slice Maria. Never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.
